Nigel: A world without love. A world where the skills of the delicious
Goddess no longer lilfe us to heights of almost intolerable pleasure. Well anything is possible but surely, surely the truth
is that the is that both Xena and Ares are both plotting to divert this reporter from getting to the truth so we've decided...So
we've decided to come to the one place where love is rarely in short supply.
Nigel: Hi there I wonder if we might have a word?
Tavern Owner: Well what'll it be today? we're running a special on a little number we call
Thor's Hammer or for a bit extra you can get the Ride of the Valkcryies.
Nigel: Well us business appears to be booming.
Tavern Owner: Well look around my boys know where to dock their long boats. If you catch my
drift.
Nigel: So you would say that there's been no sudden shortage of love in the world?
Tavern Owner: Oh I didn't say that now.
Nigel: You said business was booming.
Tavern Owner: My business has never beenabout love. If these boys were looking for love they'd
be wooing their sweethearts or at home with their wives. The less love I have to deal with the fatter my purse.
Nigel: We've Ares the former God of War half naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.
Nigel: As news of our investigation has begun to spread we've been contacted by a source who
claims to have some answers.
Nigel: Who are you?
Grinhilda: That's not important. What I have to do is. You're following the wrong story.
Nigel: What do you mean?
Grinhilda: Xena's trying to put a God back on Olympus all right but not the one you think.
Nigel: But which GOd?
Grinhilda: You'll have to find that out yourself. I'm in great danger if Odin discovers I have
betrayed him...
Nigel: All right here's what I'll do. I'll mention each God by name and then I will count
five seconds if within that period you fail to respon I'll assume the answer is yes understand?
Grinhilda: Five seconds what?
Nigel: Ok I'm counting. Ah right. Hades. One hippopatamus two hippotatmus three hippopatamus
four....
Grinhilda: Forget it I don't have time for this.
Nigel: Wait! If Ares and Xena aren't conspiring then what are they doing together?
Grinhilda: This isn't about Xena and Ares. Xena will play whatever card she needs to,
to get what she desires.
Nigel: What if she desires to be a Goddess?
Grinhilda: Fool! Xena doesn't want to rule the world she wants to save it.
Nigel: How can you be so sure?
Grinhilda: Because she saved me.
Nigel: Wait where do I go from here?
Grinhilda: Follow the love.
Nigel: Follow the love.
Nigel: Follow the love a bizarre command in a world seemingly devoid of love. Yet something has
brought these desperate people to this place in the hope that here they will find whatever is missing in their lives. They
too are responding to the unspoken comman to follow the love.
Nigel: May I ask you a few questions? Aprodite?
Aphrodite: Hello there.
Nigel: I'm here with Aphrodite the former Goddess of Love. Aphrodite forgive me but didn't
you completely lose your mind after what happened with Caligula.
Aphrodite: Oh yeah I did but Xena pulled me out of my madness and gave me back my life.
If you can call this earthbound existence living destined to grow old and wrinkled and saggy.
Nigel: Aphrodite these people what are they all doing here?
Aphrodite: Can you see this?
Nigel: What?
Aphrodite: This live how can you not see it my face looks like a Roman road map.
Nigel: Well I can hardly see it.
Aphrodite: You can see it!
Nigel: No, no. Uh Aphrodite these what what is it they want?
Aphrodite: Oh well when I left Olympus the world was full of my love but with me no longer
there to replenish it it's just faded away. Squandered by those who fail to see how precious it was and spurned by others
who thouht they didn't need it and now it's all gone. Poof.
Nigel: Poof indeed. But how can we not have noticed?
Aphrodite: You mortals take love for granted it slipped through your fingers so subltely
no one even noticed it was gone. Except for these few who are still drawn to me from the last breath of love that still clings
to me but soon there won't even be that.
Nigel: Aphrodite is there nothing that you can do?
Aphrodite: As a mortal no. My powers are tied to Olympus and there is no way for me to
get back there Xena made sure of that.
Nigel: We're here before the walls of Valhalla Xena just entered minutes ago. You can
hear the sounds of an epic struggle as Xena possibly the greatest human warrior in the history of the world battles with Odin
King of the Norse Gods. Xena is attempting to wrestle the golden apples from Odin but the question still remains should she
succeed in getting these apples on whom will she bestow the gift of Godhood? Wait something something appears to be happening
inside Valhalla.
Nigel: Xena you're not gonna eat that apple are you?
Xena: Why ever not?
Nigel: Because you don't plan to install yourself as a Goddess on Olympus. No your plan
is to bring love back into the world. That apple is for Aphrodite isn't it?
Xena: Give this apple and bring love back into the world that's a novel and very unselfish
idea it's not something the Xena you know would do.
Nigel: Maybe before I was reporting on the wrong Xena, Xena.
Xena: Maybe.
Nigel: I knew it you were in this for yourself all along.
This reporter was proved wrong when not only Ares but Aphrodite both got golden apples to restore
them and to keep a balance in the world.
Grinhilda: Xena saved me you know she changed me back from that horrible creature I'd
become.
Nigel: This would be the horrible creature that she turned you into in the first place?
Grinhilda: That was a different Xena that dark evil Xena but the real Xena restored me
to my human form and returned me to Valhalla. And she asked me to unmake the legacy of bloodshed she herself had left for
Odin's people.
Nigel: When Ares was expelled from Olympus that must have made your job a lot easier?
Why did Xena send him back?
Xena: You know why 'cause uh you can't have love without hate. Youc an't have peace without
violence. And you certainly can't have forgiveness without anger. I knew I couldn't just send Aphrodite back to Olympus
without Ares it would have thrown the whole world out of balance.
Grinhilda: It is my peoples lust for living that makes us who we are. With two competing
forces their fiercness and their passion that defines us Xena knew that. So I sent you after Aphrodite while I rounded up
Ares.
Nigel: Wait a minute you sent me after Aphrodite?
Grinhilda: Follow the love.
Nigel: You're the mysterious voice in the cave?
Grinhilda: Xena wanted you out of her hair for a while she figured she might as well
put you to work getting Aphrodite for her. I have to go Odin's still pretty sore at me.
Ares: Do I think she did it because of how she feels about me? No I mean don't get me
wrong there are sparks. You can see that right? No she pretty much did it for the reason she always does redeeming herself
for her evil past. Oh I killed so many people the pain the pain. My offer was genuine there is a place for her here. It's
not what it used to be though. Ok chuckles let's cut it. Ok out of here. Do not make me zap you.
Nigel: Gabrielle, Xena I have only one more question left. A question that Gabrielle
has been avoiding all evening. The question that has never ever been answered. Are you two lovers?
Xena: You're asking?
Nigel: That's right I'm asking are you two lovers?
Xena: That's none of your beeswax Nigel.
Nigel: And now ladies and gentlement a world exclusive for the first time anywhere Xena
and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena are you two lovers?
Xena: Want the truth?
Nigel: That's right Xena we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.
Xena: It's like this technically...
Due to a dead battery this question will remain a mystery throughout the
ages.
