Team Angel's Handbook

1. Make sure you have a drink before you which you will drink from.

2. Babble and hit on the guy next to you and say he reminds you of your ex girlfriend that he has pretty eyes or something.

3. Pretend you're looking for your big and shiny car and then go into action to rescue the girls from the vamps.

Don't be afraid to mention a need for a breathmint if the guy's breath is rank.

Guantlets worn on both writs are excellent for holding stakes.

To avoid pesky sunlight make sure you have a bat cave with access to the sewers.

Bed time stories can be told even if a person isn't sleepy.

Helping people is good but being cut off isn't so good because a victim might one day turn into a snack.

We've all got something to atone for. Doyle

1. Get involved and make with the grownup talk.

2. Practice your people skills so you become good with people which is key.

4. Asking a girl if she's happy isn't a good opening line.

5. It can give the impression of stalking so be careful how you approach the girl you are trying to help.

7. Don't leave the paper with the vision info on it since the wrong person might find it like the person you're trying to help and she could end up dead.

Once a vampire always a vampire since it's not like you can cure it so it's a lifelong commitment.

Others very likely have the same car as you so pay attention and make sure you remember where you parked to avoid the embarrassment of trying to make a quick getaway in the wrong car.

When at a party make sure to grab some food for later if you're broke.

You should have a tissue around but a dish towel will do in a pinch for wiping away tears.

It's a good idea to get a computer for research instead of breaking into the library all the time not to mention the fact that it's more handy.

Don't go chasing after someone into the daylight or you'll go flamey and your secret will come out.

A gun isn't very effective against a vamp although some pain will be involved.

Try to stay positive even when things are seriously bleak.

If a house is lacking in mirrors and there are heavy drapes all over the place don't walk run away immediately before you become this guy's next meal. Say that you have to powder your nose and get the hell out.

Some gates won't open even if you crash into them with a ca.

It's fun to push a vampire out of a high rise building to test the theory about flying.

It's kinda rude to call a person only to hang up but on the other hand just hearing the voice can rip at your heart.

It's good to have a friend when you're new in town not to mention the whole paying job thing

When making business cards make sure the picture actually looks like what it's supposed to be.

Be careful when handing out business cards since the wrong idea might be had about what services you offer.

Practice your social skills since, "Are you in need of rescuing?" tends not to work.

Instead of sitting alone in the dark you could always turn on the light.

It's a really bad idea to meet a guy in a bar and go home with, then sleep with him since there can be dire consequences like oh your life for instance among other things.

It's a good idea to know how to type when using a computer since it makes things a lot easier if you know where the keys are.

It's nice to apologize when you've been rude.

Don't tell a girl not to go somewhere that you plan on going since that's just plain sexist.

It's hard to meet people because the whole trust factor is an issue.

Some demons can be very nice since not all demons are created equal.

Guys that call girls dowdy suck especially if they aren't exactly Mr Yummy. Who gave them permission to determine a girl's beauty.

If you need to hit the cop to escape apologize beforehand.

Girls have girl parts and boys have boy parts.

To make things more legitmate get a license and maybe put it in the name of your human pal.

Lonely people try to make connections since it's only human nature.

Flesh coming off along with a bloody shirt isn't a turn on for girls just get away very quickly if you see this guy coming your way.

If the grappeling hook doesn't work a gun can come in handy when you need to get out of a locked room.

If being set on fire won't bring the nasty guy down fire a few rounds to make sure it's dead.

Turn off the lights for more effective brooding.

Don't run through dark alleys in the dead of night.

An invoice is just paper so save the celebrating until you get the actual money.

A vampire doesn't need a hat and gun since the fangs can be quite effective all on their own.

If you are given the Ring of Amarra or another piece of jewelry with special powers don't destroy it since it could come in handy later on.

Some topics are best avoided know them and keep mum about them.

I think the trick is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby man. Cordy

Make sure you have read the book before you start quoting from it.

Be careful with who you call my little Bam Bam.

Even if a vampire isn't invited they can still do damage to your building like burning it down.

Nicknames can be quite revealing about a person like Frankie Tripod.

If you don't want to speak to someone say that you have to get your other line.

If you're avoiding people disguise your voice and say something like House of Pies.

Sometimes you need to beat the info out of a guy.

A most effective way to torture is to play classical music which can drive anyone nuts. Try Mozart Symphony 41 for the best results.

Even vamps need to go out for fresh air sometimes.

Most things that live and breath hate the dark and love the light. Torture Demon

Remember that the sun hates everyone so vamps avoid it and everyone else make sure to use sunscreen.

It's through the pain that we find the truth of who we are. It strips us of our defenses. We are made innocent again like children. Torture Demon

Even a total psycho can say things that make sense.

Make the pain go away by staking your torturer.

Needlenose pliers can really make you scream.

It's always best to have a back up plan since you'll be double crossed if you deal with a vamp that isn't to be trusted.

The freezer and the toilet tank and places where people tend to hide their valuables but not everyone does that since the sewer is another place to hide something important.

Keep away from holes in the ceiling since you hair will get set on fire.

Hospitals only specialize in humans not vampires.

When running out into the sunlight run like hell and get in the water ASAP to put the fire out.

A promise is a promise and should be kept at all costs especially if it involves killing the one that tortured you.

A business should be run like a business like for instance charging the clients.

Blood isn't free if you don't drink from humans.

Try adding some color to your wardrobe since the black on black look can be intimidating to some people.

Not everything has to be creepy and supernatural but it usually is.

Some things don't bear too much thinking about.

Beware of psychos that can remove their body parts just to be on the safe side check around for a floating eyeball before you get undressed.

Just because a person doesn't have a record of violence doesn't mean a person isn't a raging looney.

If you are going undercover avoid saying yuck even if what the person is saying is very yucky.

When you severe a limb you only have so long to reattach before it atrophies.

Stalking is #4 on the mens fun thing to do list.

It can help to be able to get into the head of a psycho stalker.

If you're just out for a walk you tend not to lurk in the bushes.

Have a weapon handy just in case you wake up with a pair of hands.

Don't mention the fact that your boss is an expert at the art of stalking.

Steel boxes are handing for packing away psycho parts.

If the doctor that operated on you asks you out just turn him down because it can lead to major badness.

Whiskey can be relaxing and send you into sleepyland.

Stand up to your psycho stalker and believe that you're strong and that he's weak.

If you're low on money reuse the coffee filters.

The best thing a client says is, "I never want to see you again."

The blonde ususally gets the job when you're on an audition.

Some peole just take more of an effort to get to know.

Brown water is a really bad sign along with the roaches which just screams that you need a new place.

It's all about money. What about friendship and family and all those things that are priceless like they say in the credit card commercials.

You can't reason with a demon that's collecting a debt that you owe him.

A drawer not only holds stuff it can be used to hit someone.

Having nowhere else to go is pretty much your last resort.

A well groomed vamp always has the best in hair care products.

Even the homely fellows need to get a chance.

No wet towels on Angel's leather chair to avoid grumpiness.

Never peel off the floor or redecorate the place that you're staying at until you get a place.

It's not nice to trick people but sometimes you need to so you can figure out what's going on.

Sometimes a demon is easier to deal with then people.

You don't want to live in a place where there is chanting at four in the morning and the bathroom is all public.

If a place is perfect beware of badness like the place being haunted.

It's polite to introduce yourself before you attack someone.

You may not be able to get blood out of a stone but you can out of all living things.

If you tell a vamp that he's totally invited even without a place he can come in when you get one.

Ghosts can trick you with the voice of a person you know.

Not all ghosts are like Casper although some can be quite friendly like Dennis.

Always have change handy in case you need to use a pay phone.

If you pick up the phone make sure you know what to say.

You can never have enough bile and lungwort lying around.

Latin may be called a dead language but it often turns up in spells so it's not so dead after all.

Sometimes you need to get in touch with your inner bitch.

Demons may lie even if you've made a deal with them.

It's really evil to wall up your son just because you hate his fiancee.

It's a good idea to invest in a good deadbolt.

Some people are just better with their hands.

Some people just have bigger bladders which comes in handy for those long interrogations.

Ok am I wrong in thinking that a please and thank you is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment. Cordy

After a dismemberment a nice long bath is essential.

It's possible to brood and show a little interest in the feelings of others. Cordy

Just because a person is reserved doesn't mean he doesn't care pulse or not.

Going through coroner's reports can give a person the weebies.

Don't dress like a road flare since it's not the height of fashion.

Just because someone is called little doesn't mean he is.

You aren't judge when you go all vamp by your friends.

If you work for a vampire expect a lot of late hours.

You should be clear with your finger signals.

Sure he ate his parents but they didn't taste like chicken since the only thing that tastes like chicken is chicken.

It's very rude to beat up on the cop that releases you from jail.

The police station should never be closed since evil doers never take a holiday.

Ugh isn't a magic word or even a word for that matter.

There's always time to be considerate of others. Angel

You can be a rainbow instead of a painbow but it's all up to you.

When you're recovered from the talking stick just say you're fuzzy on the details.

Some people are in need of the whammy from the talking stick.

Some people like to spend the evening curled up with a good book.

A guy with money doesn't equal happiness since he could be total dullsville.

Possession imply wealth just like saying a guy is rich.

Just because a person is half demon doesn't mean he's not a great guy.

If your date's a bust say you're not feelign well and have him drive you back to the place you work because your car is there.

A coward that runs at the sight of a vamp isn't good husband material.

When in doubt shoot the vamp in the foot so you don't hurt the one you're helping.

You should at least buy the guy that saved you a Mochachino.

Some people go by their last name since it's more fitting especially if the guy has a girlie name.

Your demon half can show up as late as the age of 21 which is a real shocker if you've been raised human.

A good friend is a person that does a favor without charging.

Some girls just dig demons even the red ridgey kind.

Playing Charades at a bachelor party is kinda lame but it could be fun.

If you're going to a bachelor party for the new guy in you're ex's life bring a friend of the supernatural kind.

It's good to know other demon languages since it could mean the life or death of a friend.

The third grade tends to come with actual children.

Inviting a person to a party and trying to eat his brains is just in poor taste.

It is quite handy to have a photographic memory.

Throwing a vamp out the windom won't keep him out of the way for long.

It's really bad when you get locked into a box and get injected in the head the makes you go numb.

You don't use shrimp forks for eating brains you use a soup spoon for better scooping.

Someone with a heart beat needs to cheer up the down in the dumps guy.

Nice guys don't always finish last. I think it. I say it. It's my way. Cordy

Sometimes a piece of wood is need to level a desk not for suicide.

A girl will be a little upset to find out the ex came to town and did a little stalking and left without even saying hello.

A stake is a lot handier than a fighting axe.

Mutant Ninja blood can make a vamp feel weird.

Seeing your ex who happens to be the love of your life can make you confused.

Heartbreaking sewer talks should be avoided just hunt and kill.

The Lone Bar is where demons go to get patched up.

There is a cure for vampirism after all it's called Mohra demon blood mingling with your own and voila heartbeat.

Everything becomes more real when you're suddenly mortal.

If your tummy is killing you don't keep snacking on the chocolate no matter how good it tastes.

The Gateway to Lost Souls is located under the Post Office.

2. When you get in don't dilly dally ask your questions and get out.

3. The lowly messenger can't get in but the warrior has a shot because his heart is pure.

4. Light the stand and say, "We beseech access to the Knowing Ones.

5. If you're invited the doorway goes all glowy which means come on in.

6. Time runs different in there so it may appear that you haven't gone in at all when you do get out.

7. Don't forget to bring a gift but if you didn't your watch will always work since the girl likes time.

Throw caution to the wind and give in to temptation.

Seeing dead bodies as a mortal turns the stomach.

Being suddenly mortal takes time to get used to especially when it comes to fighting minions from Hell.

When writing the cuecards make sure to double check the spelling so you don't end up with rats when you meant rates.

Even if the heart isn't beating doesn't mean it can't break.

Carrying the memory of a swallowed day is quite a burden especially when a guy gets his greatest desire but gave it back to save the love of his life.

A real hero will make the greatest sacrifices.

You never know your strength until you test it. Angel

You should tell the girl about you being half demon before you ask her out to dinner.

You can't keep secrets from each other. Cordy

Pretend you're playing Charades if a vision strikes and you're outside with a person going by.

Fear can be smelt if you have the nose for it.

Demons can be the ones that are being help since they can be good.

Losing yourself and hoping it'll all go away never works out.

Not all Brachens have a good sense of direction.

To appear to be on the side of the Scourge appear to kill the demon by snapping his neck.

Vamps are the lowest of the low on the demon food chain.

The Scourge are not only bloodthirsty psychotic killers they aren't too bright since they can be fooled.

Bargain with the guy that owes your boss money so you get some of the money owed.

Expect a slap when your secret gets out without you telling her.

The greatest gift a guy can do is give up his life to save the lives of others.

The good fight yeah you never know until you've been tested. I get that now. Doyle

Sharing grief with others is the healthy and normal thing to do.

Coffin I hate that stereotype. Vampires don't sleep in coffins. It's a misconception made popular by hack writers and ignorant media. In fact you know we can and do move around during the day as long as we avoid direct sunlight.

1. Don't cry during your audition unless it's required but a stain remover needs no tears only a happy face.

2. Remember that being able to remove a pesky stain is a happy event.

It's in poor taste to point a crossbow especially if it can easily be knocked out of the hands.

Leather can make the man plus it really goes with the bike although it can lead to chaffing issues.

Some feelings are private so don't go poking around in a person's head because that's just plain rude not to mention creepy.

A lone wolf such as myself never works with anyone. Wesley

Even lone wolves need help every now and then.

Being multilingual comes in handy along with some cash for a bribe when you need info.

Just because a demon's name is Barney and he seems harmless doesn't mean he is.

Don't be so revealy with some strange demon even if he's a client.

Knee a guy and if that doesn't work try screaming.

Don't just stand there like an idiot look around for clues.

To stall for time during an auction where your eyes are for sale try to up the bidding and start a bidding war.

Don't ducktape a dagger to your ankle since it won't be pretty when you try to get it off.

Kill the competition although someone else can outbid you.

If a knife isn't handy use a horn to cut the ropes.

Screaming gives the illusion of being a bad ass.

Something sharp in the back gets rid of the evil demon every time.

Iron to decrinkle the paper that has the picture you drew and frame it in honor of a dear friend so you have a little piece of him around even though he's not.

Stall leaving until you get invited to breakfast.

Just because a person is on a liquid diet doesn't mean he can't be a great cook.

Nobody likes a smart ass rogue demon hunter. Cordy

Talking to a chair implies that things are slow.

If someone stops yammering that is a sign of something being up.

Avoid the sun if you're a vamp since it causes you to burst into flames.

If you're human it's a good idea to use sunscreen before going out into the sun.

It's not fun to get inside the head of a psycho but it's sometimes a necessary evil.

It's very rude to come in a vamp's place of business with a stake when you have no proof that he's gone all evil again.

Staking and beheading a vamp is overkill not to mention impossible since one or the other will make the vamp turn to dust.

Eating your family after becoming a vamp is always the sweetess so savor the moment.

It's a good idea to find a police radio which you'll find in a police car so you can keep track of your cop pal.

Don't go off with strangers since ou could end up dead.

A gun is pretty much useless with vamps unless the bullets are made of wood of course.

Just because someone is a vamp doesn't mean he's not a person with feelings.

There are some things in this world that you're not ready to face.

Yank the curtains up so you don't get dead if a vamp is in the office.

No one likes a cheesey hack prosiac vampire that goes on and on.

When doing your vamp homework go to the Anciect Eye for fun facts.

Breaking into another vamp's lair doesn't require an invite.

Composite sketches are usally a terrible likeness.

200 years is plenty long enought to stick it to your daddy.

It hurts to have a big chunk of wood shoved through you even if it doesn't hit the heart.

The more things change the more they stay the same.

A good friend will kill you dead if you go all evil.

Hum or make some noise when sneaking up on a person.

Make sure you have the right place instead of going on about demon spawn and eggs.

We fight termites wherever they might roam isn't the best excuse to give after you've broken into the wrong house that has people watching TV.

It takes time to find your way especially if you just inherited visions and lost someone you really care about.

The guy with the big bag of fame and fortune is fleeting so don't hold your breath.

No matter how late it is where you are it's early somewhere.

If your ghost turns the lights up and messes with the radio take it as a warning and have the guy leave after you have a drink.

Threaten to play Evita starring Madonna to stop your ghost from killing the mood.

Sometimes not being alone is sorta the problem like waking up very pregnant with demon spawn.

Being pregnant can make you grumpy not to mention the whole whoosh factor with a not so normal pregnancy.

Amniotic fluid that eats away the tile is a really bad sign.

If things get weird you should ask questions.

Pregnancy can be really strange like your spawn starts talking to you and you develop a craving for blood.

It's always fun when a guy begs to have his ass kicked.

Slay the demon and poof no more evil pregnancy.

Some demons are harder to kill than others but there is always a way.

Brush up on your target practice since you just may need it.

Give a little TLC to the one who just had an evil pregnancy.

It's ok to get a little misty eyed every so often just blame it on allergies.

Actually in Hell you tend to know a lot of the people. Angel

If a crate is marked Danger Hazardous Materials do not open don't open it since badness could follow like being burned to death.

Pay no attention to the strange sounds coming from the marked crate unless you want to become dead.

People gathered together for parties in olden times.

I got two modes with people bite and avoid. Hard to shift plus I can't get too close I mean with women. Angel

It's a sad state when the geeky rogue demon hunter is cooler than you.

Visions can take a lot out of a girl so keep aspirin and ice and wate handy to recover from the skull cracking pain.

Find out everything you can about a situtation so you don't jump the gun and help the bad guy.

Two grappeling hooks that shoot from your wrists make climbing up walls a piece of cake.

If you find a stash of cash in a dead guy's office take it since he won't need it.

Put numbers on speed dial and keep your battery charged.

Cell phones were cooked up by a bored warlock.

Blend in by taking off the coat and share your knowledge of the paintings.

You incinerate a few guys someone's gonna start asking questions. Angel

If you start heating up take a long cold shower.

Teach your vamp boss how to use the cell phone so you can contact him.

Here's the plan we go in I start hitting people hard in the face. See where it takes us. Angel

It's always good to have a plan before you go out to fight the bad guys.

Sometimes it's best to just open the door so you don't fall on your face.

I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not. Angel

Don't hit on a girl that could accidentally burn you from the inside.

It's in poor taste to leave the people that are trying to help you to die.

You should thank the guy that saved you from being castrated before you drive off.

Be careful when squashing the bag of coffee beans since they could end up on the floor and knock someone on his ass.

Helping the innocent shouldn't be limited to just one dimension.

Don't eat Cordy's brownies unless you want to break a tooth.

A vamp tends to be more of a drinker than an eater.

Don't use an extinct demon knife to cut brownies.

Some brownies can be used to throw at people.

Be careful when snooping through the garbage since you might get a fright and bump your head.

Green glowy stuff will be at a house where one of the people inside is possessed by a demon.

No one could have said demon pooo before I touched it. Cordy

Demon poo can't hurt you although it's kinda pretty to look at.

Children's Rhymes should come with a rating system.

Lizzie Borden was possessed by a adolescent Ethros.

A father doesn't have to be possessed to be a mean son of a bitch.

The first step in confrtonting a demon is getting him to show himself. A little cylus ecalyptus powder ingested by the host and he goes grr and the head spins around essentially. Wesley

Put the powder in the brownies to find out who is possessed since everyone loves brownies.

Hide brussel sprouts in your napkin or your mashed potatoes.

I use chocolate because it's brown which gives them their name brownies. Angel

A person can just choke on a brownie or whatever he may be eating.

If the food was really poisoned everyone would go all grr.

Binding powder ingedients should be kept in the pantry for easy access.

Place the plastic down before you pour the binding powder to form a circle since it's too late once you start pouring to bother ask.

2. It's important he'll try to get him to come to you.

Some nuns have the ability to sense vampires.

Ethros are very smart and dangerous even more dangerous than vampires.

Think before you speak so something really dumb doesn't pop out.

It's vulgar to throw a cross to your friend who is a vampire.

If the elevator doesn't work just take the stairs.

Listen to the ones that know what they are talking about.

There's no blind Tibetan monks around when you need them.

Rick's Majick N Stuff provides all your magickal needs but sometimes a substitution is in order although it doesn't always quite work out the way you hoped.

When someone is possessed they are able to skim the mind which is a mere parlor trick but they can really mess with your head.

Being stabbed in the neck with a cross really hurts.

Mute Chinese nuns do good work like with a Shorshack box.

Wrap your hand in a cloth to avoid a flaming hand.

Go all vamp face and say, "Get the hell out," to give the exorcism a little oompth.

Just say what you mean in simple enough terms so everyone gets what you're saying.

Not planning to kill to willing to kill if needed is a good thing.

Never leave matches lying around where an evil child can get them and set a fire.

If the suspect is dead there's no point in reading him his rights.

It takes time to get used to the idea of demons being real.

People have a way of seeing what they need to. Angel

Checking up on someone can be a sign of caring but not always.

Some demons are non violent, articulate, and gentle by nature.

Maybe it was just have a bad skaky rag day. Cordy

Some people prefer to say evil thing instead of a demon.

Running a two by four through someone can strain things between people.

It can be a bit disorienting when you claw your way out of your grave.

Praying won't save you from being a snack for a hungry vampire.

A deliberate cautious approach will be the most sensible plan. Wesley

Having an alarm announce various doors and windows being ajar while demons are coming in can be seriously annoyed.

People seem taller when you're alive and smaller when you're dead.

You can never have too many weapons when killing evil things.

Sometimes not much goes into the name like the website on demons called Demons, Demons, Demons.

Apparently lawyers from Wolfram & Hart aren't listed in the demon database because technically they aren't demons but they are evil and sorta human.

There's a dozen species indigenous to LA alone.

So there's still a place in this world for traditional research. Wes

Go to www.archfiend.org: Where the lonely and the slimey connect.

A richly deserved reputation for handling the unusual helps bring in the clients with nowhere else to go.

Nice touch to bring a finger to add a hint of realism to your "story".

Know when a person's totally lying and leading you into a trap so you don't fall into it use your senses.

Wheat grass is supposedly good for the digestion so it's useless for vamps.

If you're keeping a vamp prisoner at least provide him with some blood since vamps need to eat too.

People who pay to watch fights to the death are seriously deranged.

1. If you need tickets into the illegal fight pretend to be a cop but don't forget the badge to give that touch of realism.

2. Come up with names: Detective Andrews and Detective Yelsew. Don't forget to mention to you partner: Show 'em your badge and write down their license plate number.