Summer
It's really rude to throw the answer at me before I'm finished.
A vamp can really spoil the mood.
A yawn worthy summer with the burial of the Master as the highlight and of course the wearing of the robes.
Sunnydale
Which means we're still the undeads favorite party town.
It's good that you're fine. Oh come on you can tell us. We're you bosom friends. The friends of your bosom.
Dreams are meaningful.
Not Always About Kissing
Yeah. Some stuff's about groping.
Sarcasm
No Will they're gonna be clog dancing.
Three Musketeers
It kinda lacked punch. I would have gone with stooges.
Possessed?
Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? She's possessed.
Hey maybe when the Master killed her some mystical bad guy transference thing happened.
A bitca?
Master Bones
A trophy? A horrible conversation piece?
Come To The Bronze Before It Opens Or We Make Her A Meal
They're gonna cook her dinner. Uh pretend I didn't say that.
If Buffy's about to lose it I think we should be trying to reach minimum safe distance.
Back To Normal
There's a rumor going around that uh Mr Cox is the most boring teacher in the entire world. I think he won a belt or something.
Bronzing it?
Well we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledgehammber but gosh we did that last night.
Dating Mood
Turned on kinda being called an idiot.
Spell Duh!
Now is a time to have a talk about the facts of life. You know 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen.
Dead Girls
That Foundren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross town body competition this year?
BYO Shovel
Bringing powdered donuts to the cemetery is always a good idea.
All right but if you come across the army of zombies can you page us before they eat your flesh?
Grave Digging
Call me an optimist but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.
How about that? I always pegged him as a one woman vampire.
Make Girl
You mean when there are so many premade ones just lying around? The things we do for love. Maybe not but I'll tell you this. People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream What they can't have. The more unattainable the more attractive.
Skull
Hello! I want to get ahead. For the love of God can somebody scratch my nose?
Eric's Place
Yeah nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collectin that's so prodigious it even scared me.
After doing a little snooping there's always time for popcorn.
If I can't undo the staps just roll the gurney out of the flaming room and jump on.
It's a good thing to be able to think quick on my feet.
Paired Off
Well I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off the vampires get dates. Hell even the school librarian sees more action tham me. You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair.
Shelia
Homework she won't do it. And most teachers respect that.
Ultimate Jinx
It's no biggie you'll have a nice soiree. The paretns will love it. As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then you'll be fine.
Ok so maybe sometimes I should think for like a second before letting actual words come out of my mouth.
Helping
Yeah I'll whittle stakes. And while I'm whittling I plan to whistle a jaunty tune.
Too Damn Quiet
Ok that's it. I'm putting a collar with a little bell on that guy.
A guy should make some kind of noise when he comes up behind you to avoid me jumping ten feet into the air.
I knew you were lying undead liar guy.
Student Exhange
Well a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole culture exchange migela the dance.
My Dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
By guylike we are talkig big beefy guy like girl right?
Guy!
Hold on a sec so this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man with man parts. This is a terrible ida. There's no melding ok. He better keep his parts to himself.
Rodney Munson
What he lacks in smarts he makes up in lack of smarts.
No Happy Ending
No I think it ends with and she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.
Sunnydale Bus Depot
Ooh classy. What better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.
Not Take Me
Buffy I love Willow. I mean she's my best friend which makes her not the kind of girl who I think about her lips that much. She's the kind of girl that I'm best friends with.
Three to avoid akwardness of being on a date nice and safe.
Anything's possible when one lives on a Hellmouth.
Priorities
Buffy where are your priorities tracking down a mummifying killer or making time with some Latin lvoer whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts?
Oh yeah. Fall for the old let me translate that ancient seal for ya come on. Do you know how many times I've used that?
See I speak some Spanish like Doritoes, Aye carrumba.
Your English is very bueno.
Well that works out well because I talk much.
Mocking Alternatives
Ok no shirts with ruffles. No hats with feathers. And definetely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
Twinkies
And this is called a snack food. Yeah it's a delicious spongey golden cake stuffed with a delightful creamy white substance of goodness.
Just stuff it in the mouth and enjoy.
And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce so it doesn't leave you with a heavy food feeling in your stomach.
Strange
Girls always tell me that right before they run away.
I like you like it. Please don't learn from my English.
The big crazy guy with the sword turning to the girl and saying, "You." is a bad sign.
Crime Club
We're no an Archeology Club. We're in the Crime Club which is kind of like the Chess Club only with crime and uh no chess.
There's more to life than being wigged over danger and peril.
The girl doesn't always laugh and pull out my still beating heart crushing it under her heel but not a regular girl a mummy.
Make sure to ask if the girl is a preying mantis.
Next time you should probably say shrug especially if you're dressed up like an Eskimo.
A girl running away isn't a good thing.
Sometimes the girl isn't worthy especially when she sucks people dry.
Sometimes a bad joke can be very revealing.
Bravery
Let her go. If you're gonna kiss anybody it should be me. That's never gonna happen. No! You want life then you have to take mine.
Sometimes the answer isn't always what you expect.
I'm really the fun talking guy today huh?
I just present company excluded I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world ever.
Yeah but I think that whole sucking the life out of people thing would have been a strain on the relationship.
2-5
2-6
2-7
Anywhere But Here
Oh. Amy Yip at the waterslide park. I'm just not fickle like you too ok? I am constant in my affections. Amy Yip at the waterslide park.
Twelve Grades
Giles lived for school! He's actually bitter that there were only twelve grades.
School On Saturday
Poor schlubs have to attend school on Saturday. Heh hey. Ooh gang did you hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.
Somethings shouldn't be imagined like Giles and Miss Calender doing anything.
Computers
When are we ever gonna need computers for real life anyway?
Will's a whiz at the computer thing so she can do it for me.
You know computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comback. Yeah you know you don't see enough abaci.
Snapping
Yep, yep I thought this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Roary was the stodgiest taxerdermist you ever met by day. By night it was booze, whores, and fur flying.
Going Through Giles Files
I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
Ok Giles and orgies in the same sentence I could've lived without that one.
Solution
Oh yeah we'll find Miss Calender then we'll decapitate her. Hey she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody will notice?
Cordelia
That's it. Twelve years of you and I'm snapping. I don't care if you're a girl or not. I'm throwing down. Come on.
Career As A Watcher
And the dental plan's crap.
Career Test
Are you a people person or do you prefer keeping your own company? What if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default? Well there are no boxes for none of the above that would introduce too many variables into their mushroom head number crunching little world.
2-10
The Captain
You don't know what you're talking about. He was a puppet. She was using him. That was her genius. He didn't even know he was playing second fiddle. Buffy who was the real power the Captain or Tenille? The Captain and Tenille? Boy somebody was raised in a culture free environment.
Nursemaid
So is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
Will's Squealing
That's the sound she makes when she's speechless with geeker joy. Can I just say this is the finese pizza ever on God's green earth. What is your secret?
Mini Pizzas
You know you should market these things. I mean you could get two, three hundred bucks apiece.
Changed My Life
Did you even bother to taste them? No! Well I did and I'm here to tell you those mini pizzas have changed my life. Ted is the master chef.
Buf you're lacking evidence. I think maybe we're in Sigmund Frued territory. Having issues much.
Parental Issues
You're having parental issues. You're having parental issues. What? Frued would have said the exact same thing except he might not have done that little dance.
Mini Golf
Hey we can do that thing any time. I'm tired of doing that thing. We're on.
Ted
So he's a little uptight. Last I heard that's not a slaying offense. Don't give me the look. I'm on your side. I'm just saying that there are some things in life you have to accept.
He's like a God of Cooking.
Be careful next time when I say that someone has a nice outfit to.
Mr Romance
You want to go to the utility closet and make out?
Monsterama
What was he? What was he a demon, a giant bug, some kind of dark God with the secrets of nouvelle cuisine? I mean we are talking creature feature here right?
Loyalty
Man this is killing me! That bastard was up to something. I know it. If I could just get my hands on him earlier this this week. I sometimes like things that aren't good for me. Besides no way no how did Buffy put the big hurt on an innocent man. Nice Uncle Ted was dirty. If Buffy has to go to jail because of that creep I'm gonna lose it.
Under The Influence Of Evil Cookies
Worrying isn't gonna solve any problems.
Willow you are the best human ever I adore you. Well that's the cookies talkin' but you rock.
Check for cookies for evidence and try to resist the urge to eat them.
Creepy Much
So I'm Ted the sickly loser. I'm dying, and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted. He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker o love until she dies, and then he keeps bring her back over and over. Now, now that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
Serial Killer
It's so hard to rent one nowadays.
In The Closet
Are you saying that you can't look at me when we do whatever it is we do? That's great. That's just dandy. We're repulsed by each other. We hide from our friends. All in all this is not what I call a big self esteem booster
Egg Thing
You know it's the whole sex leads to responsibility thing which I personally don't get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe. And teach it Christian values. Then teach it that dradle song. The only thing that stresses me is when do we tell them they're adopted.
Ok so I boiled the egg but it stops it from the pesky possibility of breaking.
Language
Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. You. Ange. Big smoochies.
Parenthood
Or perhaps it's the burden of parenthood. Notice how seriously you two have taken this egg thing while I have uh well chosen a more balanced approach. That's exactly what I'm talking about you can't stress over every little thing. A child picks up on that which is a one way ticket to Neurotic City. Which is another secret to conscientious egg care. Apply to scalding water and about eight minutes. Yeah I know it sounds cruel but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind. I mean you can bet that little Xander her is thick skinned now.
Cheating
No it's like a shortcut like you know when you run a race.
Machevillian Ingenuity
I resent that or possibly thank you.
Big News
And what would that be Cordelia Barrette Appreciation Day.
Closet talk implies smoochies in the closet.
Look before eating a hard boiled egg although after that whole ick fest I'm not so sure that I'm ever gonna eat one again.
Grossout Quota
Oh no I almost ate one of these things. I think I fulfilled my grossout quota for the decade.
You look things up in books.
Exception To The Rule
It's ok to punch the girl whe she's under the influence of an ugly slimey thing especially if she hits me a second time on my bump.
2-13
2-14
It's a bad idea to start talking about another girl while kissing the girl I'm with.
Oz So Untrustable
I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean he's a senior. He's attractive. Ok maybe not to me but and he's in a band. And we all know what kind of element that attracts.
No Babble
I do not babble. I occasionally run on. Every now and then I yammer.
Note to self: Full moon with girl in car equals smoochies not talking of any kind.
If I say I heard something the hairy paw digging through the roof of the car totally vindicates me.
Werewolf
Well let's see um six feet tall, claws, a big old snout in the middle of his face like a wolf. Uh yeah I'm sticking with my first guess. Oh, oh and there was that little thing where it tried to bite us.
Full Moon
Unless the werewolf was using last year's Almanac.
Moon
And yet ironically led to the invention of the Moon Pie.
Whoa I actually made Giles laugh that must be a first like ever.
On behalf of my gender hey!
Hunting
I'm guessing your standard silver bullets are in order.
Knowledge
While we hang here doing nothing there's a human werewolf walking around out there probably making fun of us. Sure there is Giles knows stuff and, and I'm practically an expert on the subject. I know what it's like to crave the taste of freshly killed meat. To be taken over by those uncontrollable urges. I said I didn't remember anything about that. Look the point is that I have an affinity with this thing. I can get inside its head. I'm a big bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. I'm sniffin'. I'm snarling. I'm a slobbering predator. I'm wait a second it's right in front of us. It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry. The guy's practically got Wolf Boy stamped on his forehead. You got the dog bite. You got the aggression not to mention the excessive back hair. I'm gonna go talk to him force a confession out of him.
The Confession
Hurting me isn't going to make things go away. People are still going to find out. I don't want anything. I just want to help. No it's just I know what you're going through because I've been there. That's why I know you should talk about it. Larry please before someone else gets hurt.
Oops I helped in a way that I so wasn't expecting.
He's Gay!
It probably would have slipped out even if I wasn't here.
Peppy Boost
You're not boned you're Buffy. Eradicator of evil. Defender of um things that need defending.
No Good
So that's good right? I mean in the sense that the werewolf didn't get her. No there is no good here.
Can't Be Blamed
Buffy you can't blame yourself for every death that happens in Sunnydale. If it weren't for you people'd be lined up five deep waiting to get themselves buried. Willow would be Robbie the Robot's love slave. I wouldn't even have a head and Theresa's a vampire.
Staking
Oh no on life's not too complicated.
Two Trains On Different Tracks
This is all so weird. I mean how we are supposed to act when we see him? All I know is I'll never be able to look at him the same again.
Make sure I know the train of thought before doing the whole babble thing.
Weird!
What it's not ok for one guy to like another guy just because he happened to be in the locker room with him when absolutely nothing happened. And I thought I told you not to push. Oh, oh yeah that's the weirdness.
Oz And Willow
What relationship? I mean what life could they possibly have together? We're talking obedience school, paper training, Oz is always in the back burying their things, and that kind of breed can turn on it's owner. All I'm saying is that she's not safe with him. If it were up to me...
No Making Fun
When are you gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia? In a parallel universe maybe. Here the only other person I'm interested in is um unavailable. Besides Cordy and I are really getting along. We're not fighting as much and yesterday we just sat together not even speaking. You know just enjoying comfortable silence. Man that was dull.
Valentine's Day
Well this is new territory for me. My Valentines are usually met with heart felt restraining orders.
Dating
I wish dating was like slaying. You know simple direct stake to the heart. No muss. No fuss.
This time I'm ready for you. No F for Xander today. No this baby is my ticket to a sweet D-.
Buffy Dressed Me
Ok clearly the fact that I please you visually has got us off on the wrong foot here. Let me finish. I've been thinking about us a lot lately the why and the wherefore. You know once, twice a kissy here a kissy there, and you could chalk all that up to hormones. And maybe that's all we have her tawdry teen lust. But maybe not. Maybe something in you sees something special in me. And vice versa. I mean I think I do. See something.
Breaking Up
Ok. Not quite the reaction I was looking for. Yeah. Ok. Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's Day. I mean what were you running low on dramatic irony?
Blackmail
Blackmail the witch into doing some mojo for me can seriously backfire.
Blackmail is such an ugly word. Yeah. But I'm about to blackmail you. So I thought I'd bring it up. What do I want? I want some respect around here. I want for once to come out ahead. I want the Hellmouth to be working for me. You and me and Amy we're gonna cast a little spell.
Love Spell
Yeah you know just the basic can't eat, can't sleep, can't breathe anything but little old moi.
Whoa! Whoa back up. Who said anything about eternity? A man can only talk of self tanning lotion for so long before his head explodes.
The point is I want her to want me desperately so I can break up with her and subject her to the same hell she's been putting me through.
Pure Intent
Right I intend revenge pure as the driven snow.
Now are you gonna play or do we need to have a chat about invisible homework?
Heart Necklace
Last night it was a gift. Today it's scrap metal. I figure I could melt it down sell it for fillings or something. Come on I'm not gonna add to the Cordelia Chase castoff collection.
Oh what a difference a day makes.
Is this love? 'Cause maybe on you it doesn't look that different.
Idea
I have a plan. We use me as bait. No I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than my life.
Comfort
Would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause I find that very comforting.
I Am Xander
It is wrong to meddle with the forces of darkness.
Will I think I know what you've been thinking. But this is all my fault. I cast a spell and it sort of backfired.
Best Friends
A long, long time. Too long to do anything that might change that now. This is good. How close we are now. I feel very comfortable with this amount of closeness. In fact I can even back up a few paces and still be happy.
Will's First?
Baseman. Please tell me we're talking baseball. It's not that I don't find you sexy. Yes he is and you should go to him 'cause he's me. I I don't want to us force. That's it. This has got to stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide.
Have Mercy
It's me throwing myself at your mercy. I made a mess Giles. See I found out that Amy's into Witchcraft, and I was hurt I guess, so I so I made her put the love whammy on Cordy. But it backfired and now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monky which may sound swell on paper but...
Oh no I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
Note to self: The door opens outward so the card catalog is no good.
Open My Present
It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you. You're only here because of a spell. I mean if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me but you don't. So I can't.
Ok I deserved the punch in the face man Oz really packs a punch for such a little guy.
I'm Attractive
Insane? Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?
How bizarre to be saved from certain death at the hands of Dead Boy by Dru Looney Tunes.
None of this would have happened if you hadn't broken up with me. But you're so desperate to be popular.
It would have worked fine except your hide's so thick not even magic can penetrate it.
Homicidal females can really spoil the moment.
Ok being unpopular sucks but there are worse things like girls trying to axe murder me and the one at the head my best friend.
Come on Buffy I couldn't take advantage of you like that. Ok for a minute it was touch and go there.
No Inviting Strange Men
A visit from the pointed tooth fairy.
You know I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals about inviting strange men into your bedrooms.
Invited In The Car
Yep you're doomed to happen give h im and his vamp pals a life whenever they feel like it and those guys never chip in for gas.
A Library?
Hello excuse me but have you ever heard of knockin'? Does this look like a Barnes & Noble? Since when?
The nyah nyah nyah approach to battle.
Yeah the more people who know the secret the more it cheapens it for the rest of us.
Hey how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty one liner again you've boiled it down to the simplest form thing? Watcher's pet!
Killing Angel
Well it's about time somebody did. I'm sorry but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you jumped on the band wagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying I told you so long before now and if Giles wants to go after the fiend that murdered his girlfriend I say faster pussycat kill, kill.
Need A Life Stat
Man Buffy my whole life just passed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life.
Half Slayer
Buffy this is not the time to challenge Angel for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. He's at full strength. You're only half a Slayer.
Start kicking and punching overhead and keep a firm grasp on the cross.
Take a walk overbite.
Standing Up To Evil Undead
Visiting hours are over. Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh gee no I guess you can't. Maybe not. Maybe not that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops. Or the orderlies. But I'm kind of curious to find out. You game? You're gonna die and I'm gonna be there.
The flu doesn't exactly sound monsterific.
Death
Ooh if he asks you to play chess don't even do it. Guy's like a whiz.
Jealous
Could you make just a little more with the touchy gropey? Of Rogaine Boy? I don't think so.
Increased ooginess that's a danger signal.
Will Playing Doctor
No she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes uh and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Death Guy
I'm on sentry duty. Angel won't show till if at all but maybe I'll get lucky with this death guy. Yeah but if I see a floating pipe and a smoking jacket he's dropped.
Saved The Day
You're not gonna yak on me right?
Know the chips sitch.
Your Mom's trying to boggart the cheesey chips. What's that all about?
School Motto
Something weird is going on. Isn't that our school motto?
Hellmouth Life
I don't want to poo poo your wiggens but an domestic dispute a case of chalkboard Tourettes all sounds like Hellmouth life to me.
A locker monster is a definite sign that something weird is going on.
Not Amused
You're just a big bucket of funny Will. I'll have you know I was just accosted by some kind of um locker monster.
No Casper
Oh no, no, no, no cool. This was no whimpy chain rattler. This was I'm dead as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore.
Defined
I defined something? Accurately? Guess I'm done with the book learnin'.
Book Guy
I know he's usually investigates things from every boring angel guy now he's like cling onto my one lame idea guy what gives?
Dog's spit is cleaner than human.
Dreams Wicked Accurate
You wouldn't happen to see me coming across some big cash or possibly knowing the love of a woman in a full body sense?
Hey if I don't ask I don't get anywhere so why not ask?
Dumb
He killed a person then he killed himself those are pretty much two of the dumbest things you can do.
Breaking The Tension
Ok who's hungry?
Obviously some hairy legged feminist.
Scapula
Ok so we can flip the ghost over when it turns a nice golden brown.
