Exertion can lead to sweatiness not to mention stinkyness.
On Dracula
Right except for the whole, tall, dark, and handsom thing yucko. Oh we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days you know once or twice. It was pretty cool you know from a whole evil thing.
I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing you know like 700 or so but he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever which was really sweet don't you think? It was a great spell it made this jerk incredibly fat like a human mini van.
White's Day
The bleach smell makes me nauseous.
Fun Fun Fun
Monopoly, Clue, and the Game Of Life
Crap! Look at this. Now I'm burdened with a husband, and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage.
I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?
I just love winning.
A Slayer's house should have more weapons lying around.
It's not safe out here. Especially when it comes with a head wound.
Chinese Imports
Much more durable than their hot plates.
The Apartment
I want it. Pay anything.
Making Plans
We can have the Scooby meetings in the living room and Giles can explain the boring things over there.
The Answer Is Yes
He'll take it. Xander go get the furniture I'll wait here.m He's been living in his drunken parents basement where something urinated on the hot plate.
So when I visit you I have to be in that awful basement? Which is when Xander 'cause right now things are looking pretty untogether and you can't expect me to just wait around for...What's going on with me is my arm hurts and I'm tired and I don't really feel like taking a tour of beautiful things that I can't have.
Answering Machine
Ok so when I'm mad I let the answering machine pick up so I pretend that I'm not home but that doesn't mean that I can't not be at home when someone calls.
After Getting The Apartment
So what happens next? I mean what happens next in our lives? When do we get a car? And a boat? No wait I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy or a child. I have a list somewhere. Just we have to get going I don't have time to just let these things happen. Yes there is. There's a hurry Xander. I'm dying. I may have as few as fifty years left.
Can't Make Things Different
You can't make it any different. I'm going to get old and you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm wrinkley and my teeth are arfificial and stuffed into my mouth with an adhesive.
I have a gun for protection but this time wasn't so good.
Two Xanders
So you two Xanders have all the same memories all the same physical attributes? Well maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away see I can take the boys home and we can all have sex together and then you know slap them back together in the morning.
Better
Yes I'm feeling better and I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or air bag failure.
Me Help Move Stuff?
Buffy has super strength. Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses?
Dumb!
Oh! Who put the monkey head near the Styx Water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?
There are just some things you don't do twice believe me I know.
My Feelings
I care about you Xander. Don't be insecure. 'Cause I also have this "friend," and I have it on really good authority that she really likes that guy, your friend, and by the by my friend...
Pricing
Your conjuring powder's grotesquely overpriced. I'm sorry. I'm nearly out of money. I've never had to afford things before, and it's making me bitter.
I could hook you up direct with the troll that sheds it.
Having connections does come in handy.
Please go.
Well I said it with a smile didn't I?
Money In My Hands
But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?
Trying Something New
Hey, you! Have a nice day.
Counting money is so inigorating.
Just Doing My Part
You're our of crystal balls. Those babies are really popular with the amateurs. Better restock and raise the price 10%. Make it 15%. Your cash register looks like squirrels nest in it. And the hand of glory packs some serious raw power. Better insitute a 7 day background check.
But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago and it was fun.
Yes indeed helping out is a strange custom especially if I get no money for it.
One's Birth
We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?
Greeting Customers
Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come againf or more purchases!
My Place
I'm just so excited. They come in. I help them. They give us money in exchange for goods. You give me money for working for you. I have a place in the world now. I'm a part of the system. I'm a workin' gal.
Organizing The Shipping Orders
Oh no. That's boring I just want to do the money parts.
I've already been injured once this month.
What Kind?
What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil, and some have been considered to be useful members of society.
Even though Tara explained that whole insect thing to me I still didn't find it funny but I guess to each her own or maybe it's a lesbian thing that non lesbians just don't get.
Riley's Handcode
It probably means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.
Are we not being covert enough?
Place the blame where it belongs on the other person who isn't me.
My Growth
I mean, I for one didn't want to start off my day with a slaughter. Which really just goes to show how much I've grown.
Researching
Just do what I do flip through the pages and look busy.
Sales
You sold someone a Khull's amulet and a Sobekian Blood Stone. Are you stupid or something?
You never sell these things together ever bad news. Don't you know about the Sobekites?
We've done just about enough making things worse for one day haven't we?
Cover Up
My clumsiness. I mean that is so like me. Slippery, slippery, butter fingers.
Yeah. A few thousand years ago there was this cult the Temple of Sobek. Reptile demon. Sobekites were reptile worshippers.
Nightmares
Great thank you very much for those nightmares.
Anyway their High Priest, Khull had great mystic powers. He um forged an amulet with transmogrifying crystal.
Meteorite
Is it hot? 'Cause if there's radiation you could like go all sterile.
So uh we're all thinking the same thing right?
Slithering
Oh no I'm sure it frisked about like a fluffy lamb.
Yep the space lamb got'im.
Experience
Yes 'cause it always seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space except that we don't ever do that.
Permanent Damage
That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly.
Putting chopsticks in one's mouth and running around being chased by your sister saying, "I'm the Slayer. I'm gonna get you," simple scars a child for life.
Suggestion
Oh we could play that game again Life that was fun. Well we could make a wager this time. You can give me real money. That would be different.
Booze
I don't think the bar would serve her but we could bring something in. Strawberry Schnapps tastes just like real icecream.
Movie
We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery and the monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this. Go monkey.
Darn we can't have loud obnoxious sex with Dawn spending the night unless we make her go outside.
Chicken Feet Overload
Oh who ordered more chicken feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.
Maybe we could do a holiday promotion. One free with every purchase.
Making Fun Of Me
That's very humourous. Make fun of the ex demon. I can just hear you in private. I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal. There's nothign wrong with my idea anyway. I've been very good for this store. If it wasn't for me Giles would be a terrified old man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself. Yes I forgot about all the vigorious sitting around. I'm sorry Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life and get in the way of mine.
You know fine take her side instead of mine even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you, and bathes you.
Pay To Be Bitten
Oh that's been going on for centuries. Humans hire vampires to feed off them. They well you know get off on the rush. Because they get cash, hot, and cold running blood and they don't leave any corpses behind, so they don't get hunted.
Have a nice day. Don't get killed.
Overreaction
Oh I don't know. Maybe you're overreacting I mean who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I made this one guy spontaneously combust, and he set his whole village on fire.
Hanky Panky
A little after hours hanky panky in the training room huh? Well Xander and I could tell you some stories. There's a funny thing with the vaulting horse you can try.
A Warning
Xander if you ever decide to go I want a warning. You know big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie. And there's a whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut but I guess the green one and at the last second no the red one and then click it stops with 3/10 of a second left then you don't leave. Like that ok?
Human Error
Maybe it's her. Well maybe it won't happen to us because it's all about her messing things up. She couldn't make it work with Angel. Then she let Riley go away. Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl she calls me, I exact vengeance blah blah blah. The next year same girl different guy. I mean after you smite a few of them you start going, my goodness young lady maybe you're doing something wrong here too.
Giles Leaving
You're going away for a week? That's great! Well, I get to run the store right?
Hello I work here. I'll take care of everything.
I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the Health Inspector. I can you know distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods.
Xander she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop. Tell her that I don't need help.
That's swell but you can't use this stuff. Giles has only been gone two days and you're already causing trouble. You shouldn't be doing things while he's gone.
Literature
You're referencing literauture I have no way to be familiar with. You're trying to make me feel left out and you're stealing.
Peer Pressure
Sometimes I miss having powers. Oh, Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and have drugs.
Hey! Don't float the merchandise!
Xander, Willow's stealing. She's a burglar. Xander, Giles left me in charge tell her.
Cash Register
The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear God! Money did you hurt the money? Money good? She endangered the money! Xander, she's pretending to be me!
I'll just keep track of everything that Willow steals to give to Giles when he gets back so he can force her to pay.
On Driving
Well I don't know how to put the top up. I only just figured out what the left pedal does. It makes us stop. Well, I couldn't know if I could until I tried could I?
Now hold on. I'm gonna press the right pedal harder. I should expect us to accelerate.
Willow stole ingredients and released him from a purple crystal. He's a troll.
Olaf
Well he wasn't a troll then. He was just a big, dumb guy and you know he cheated on me, and I made him into a troll. Which by the way how I got the job as a vengeance...
In case we need 'em I'm getting more of the things you stole.
Rules are stupid.
I am a human. And there are many humans who are stranger than me.
Turning A Guy Into A Troll
Well now that's a very complicated procedure. Oh you think I'm gonna hurt Xander? I would never hurt Xander! You think I would do that? I was a demon than and I don't even have any powers now.
No Magick
I don't do magick now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact D'Hoffryn offered you my old job. You're closer to being a vengeance demon than I am. Maybe Xander should be afraid of you. Oh and you know want anyone else to have him. I know what broke up him and Cordelia you know. It was you and your lips. Why not? But you're always doing everything you can to point out how much I'm an outsider. You've known him since you were squalling infants together. You'll always know him better than I do. You cold sweep in and poison his mind against me. Well I'm not either.
No! Choose me! Just don't take him. Don't take Xander.
Pissing Olaf Off
Hey Olaf! Umm you're as inadequate a troll as you were a boyfriend. You're hairy and unattractive and even the women trolls are put off by your various odors. Your menacing stance is merely mildly alarming. And your roar is less than full throated!
Making Peace
Yes. Oh and Willow likes you too but not in a sexy way 'cause you know she's gay. And she's not gonna try and break us up so you know it's all ok.
Where Olaf Is
It's possible that he's in the Land of Perpetual Wednesday or the Crazy Metly Land or you know the world without shrimp.
Clarifying Things
Kill the current demons right? Current demons. I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex demon compatible.
Please bring your money back.
I don't like these Council guys not one little bit because they are preventing me from working with the money by closing the shop down.
Human
Yes I do ever since I moved here from south eastern Indiana where I was raised by both a mother and a father.
I need a last name and a cover story to get through all those damn questions.
Anya Christina Emanuala Jenkins and my birthday is July 4th.
Put the blame on someone else.
Putting Things Into Perspective
The bigger they are the faster they stomp you into nothing.
Oh there are thousands of demon dimensions all different.
Xander needs help with his thing.
The Dress
It's just so lovely oh I wish it was mine. You were all thinking the same thing.
I just have the guts to speak up when everyone else keeps their mouths shut.
Talking
We were talking about sex. I mean you know us sometimes we like to pretend stuff. You know say like there's a fireman or a sheperd.
You just don't use the urn of Ishtar for an ashtray.
Computers
Oh at first it was confusing just the idea of computers was whoa I'm 1100 years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of luperts.
Online trading is great and I've discovered the secret is to avoid the tech companies that everyone's jumping on and going with the smaller firms that apply the basic components.
I tripled my money which is wonderful and I'm thinking of buying something expensive.
Yes I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now.
It is so big of me to let Xander dance with Buffy it just shows that I'm secure.
Strange Girl
Spe speaks with a strange eveness and selects her words a shade too precisely.
I'm remaining calm even though Xander's totally looking at that strange girl.
It's ok for him to say that 'cause I know that he really loves me only.
Spike
Ooh can we throw him out the window like the robot did 'cause that was fun.
Santa Claus
That's a myth. No I mean it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus been around since like the 1500's but he wasn't always called Santa. You know Christmas night, the flying reindeer, coming down the chimney all true. Well he doesn't traditionally bring presents so much as you know disembowel children but otherwise...
What Do We Do When Someone Dies
So what do we do? I mean what will we do? What will we be expected to do?
Ok so crying is a thing humans do.
What's going to happen?
Are we gonna see the body? Are we gonna be in the room with the dead body? Are they gonna cut the body open? What am I doing? Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? Is that the helpful thing to do? Nobody will tell me. But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens how we go through this I mean I knew here and there's just a body. I don't understand why she can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And and Xander's crying and not talking and I was having fruit punch and I thought well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch ever and she'll never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair not ever and no one will explain to me why.
I do know that hugging occurs when there is a crisis it's a comfort thing I believe.
I wish that Joyce didn't die because she was nice and now we all hurt.
Better Sex
Because of Joyce. Well she got me thinkig about how people die all the time. How they get born too and how you kinda need one so you have have the other. When I think about it that way it makes death a little less sad, sex a little more exciting. Well I just think I understand sex more now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together it's about life. It's about making life.
I'm not ready to make life with you but I could. We could. Life could come of our love and smooshing and that's beautiful. It all makes me feel like we're all part of something bigger like I'm more awake somehow ya know?
Children
Yes sit down we have some very amusing chicken feet you can play with.
I thought all children despised effort and enjoyed cartoons.
But you have a hand a paid hand a hand that isn't the hand of an illegal child labor. But of course it's wonderful that you find doig my job so distracting. I am unthreatened proceed.
Ring up sales with the money? She gets to fondle the money.
Hey it's my job to fondle the money!
That was nice of Buffy to ask me about my money not many people will do that.
Sometimes in the movies when they go crazy they slap 'em.
To fight you should wear something more fighty.
Robots
Eeh it looks very complicated in there personally I'd rather look at guts.
Patriotic
A customer would buy if they were patriotic.
Yes I recently came to realize that there's more to me than just being human. I'm also an American. Well that's right foreigner. So I've been reading a lot about the good old Us of A embracing the extraordinarily precious ideology that helped shape and refine it. Capitalism a free market dependent on the profitable exchange of goods per currency. A system of symbiotic beauty apparently lost on these old people. Look at them perusing the shelves undressing the merchandise with their eyeballs. All oggld no cash. It's not just annoying it's Unamerican.
Totally Unamerican. And you know what else is Unammerican French people from what I hear they don't tip up French old people that's really the bottom of the barrel.
That nasty little thing totally wigged at the thought of twine now that's just weird.
Just Trying To Help
You can sleep with me. Well now that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.
Ideas
We should drop a piano on her it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit who's running from that nice man with the speech impediment.
Run away finally a sensible plan.
Overwhelming? How much more than whelming would that be exactly?
On The Run
Shouldn't somebody be asking are we there yet? Isn't that what small irritating children do? Do we know where we're going yet?
Snacks
Oh snacks the secret to any successful migration. Who's up for some tasty friend meat products?
Brief Pleasure
Yes I had the pleasure moment and the blissful calm that comes right after it but that only lasted a couple of seconds and now I'm terrified again.
Finding A Bunny
This is an omen. No, no no it's an omen. It's a Higher Power trying to tell me through bunies that we're all gonna die. Oh God!
No Skedaddle
No you see usually when there's an apocalypse I skedaddle but now I love you so much that instead I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a God worry terribly that something might happen to you and also worry that something'll happen to me and then I have guilt that I'm not more worried more about everyone else but I just don't have enough. I'm just on total overload and I honestly don't think that I can be more nervous than I am right now.
For an apocalpyse it was sort of beautiful there for a second except for Buffy dying of course and all is intact and I'm all engaged.
