A warrior such as myself must come up with the perfect name.
Of course a warrior must dress the part and be prepared for battle at a moment's notice.
I had the scabbard it was the only thing given to me by my father but I had to buy the sword.
Add a hat to protect my head from head butts.
I'm a manly man of course but doing that head butting thing really hurts.
I need to team up with someone who's prowess with a sword is legendary.
Xena would be the ideal one since her skills are what I want to be.
I need to project the right image of course.
I want people to tremble at my name.
I want the respect and adoration I so richly deserve.
A song telling of my exploits is key.
The crossbow was expensive but well worth it for weapons are esential for all warriors.
Meeting Xena
Xean. Joxer the Mighty at your service. You know a warrior needs...Wait. Listen don't judge me because I was traveling with those sheep. I can be of invaluable service to a woman like you. Yeah. As a matter of fact um I'm a warrior of some repute. Listen I wasn't talking to you little girl. Now listen. I'm fierce and I have a lust for blood. As a matter of fact a couple of days go by and I haven't shed some blood I get very depressed. Blood and me go together like a horse and chariot. I once bathed in a tub of blood. My nickname is Bloody Joxer. I'm disappointed in you Xena. I thought you recognized talent when you saw it.
She was obviously threatened by my masculine prowess.
Well I just have to try again and if she doesn't recognize my talent I'll find someone more worthy of my time and energy.
I have something valuable to offer.
Watch the suit would ya.
Some people are just idiots this armor is handpounded and shouldn't be knocked around by boobs.
Callisto Warrior Queen
Warrior Queen uh forgive my intrustion. It's so much better than Warrior Princess you know.
What do I do? I'm a warrior.
Looking Like An Idiot
I cultivate that look. It makes me seem less threatening. You see uh people don't fear worthless idiots so it's easy for me to get the drop on them
That little blonde that travels with Xena is so irritating.
Consider the deed done my Queen.
It's good to be part of a team I just need to get the irritating blonde which is gonna be so easy with my prowess and skill.
If at first you don't succeed try, try again.
I'll throw a net over her and capture her like a fish.
Always have a backup plan.
You wanna fight huh? Fine with me. You've made me mad now little girl.
Always have more weapons handy in case I should lose my sword since it could happen if I'm having an off day of course since I'd be the one making the other guy lose his weapon.
Go for the hidden dagger to get her to stop in her tracks along with my menacing stare.
You've just made a serious mistake. You broke my crossbow.
Ow that stick thing really hurt my foot.
That does it I'm gonna rip you apart with my bare hands.
These hands of mine are lethal weapons.
She was so afraid of me the coward.
I know I'll use a rope and capture her like a wild boar.
I hate when people break my nose.
I am a warrior and I'm trying to make a name for myself.
Oh great hit a man when he's down.
That irritating little blonde doesn't know what she's talking about. I am so a warrior.
My Family
Listen you don't understand I come from a long line of warlords. It's like a family tradtion.
Warrior Thing
I do so have that warrior thing after all she's just some girl and I come from warlords after all which are flowing in my veins.
My Likes
I like to steal. I like fishing.
So now I know her name it's Gabrielle and she thinks I'd make a good fisherman but being a warrior is who I am.
I softened her up for ya. I mean just minutes before you got her I was pummeling her senseless.
Name it and I'll do it.
Ok so maybe I won't kill someone even if she is an irritating blonde.
I must admit that Callisto is pretty scary.
What did she expect me to do when I was all chained up?
Those chains were proof of how very threatening I can be.
I guess I'm not cut out for evil so I'm turning good like Xena did.
It's a good thing I'm in such good shape or I wouldn't have outrun those wolves.
Maybe I need a whip to beat away creatures with really sharp teeth.
I showed those wolves who was boss.
My Little Secret
You see the secret to defeating a wolf pack is to wear them down. I had those mongrels right where I wanted them.
The Head
Never pick him up by his hair and he parts it in the middle.
Playing music is for sissies.
A sword fighting now that's forreal men.
Sure a warrior and a musician that makes about as much sense as a hydra making a good house pet.
Putting a head on a stick allows me to find Gabrielle when she runs off and needs rescuing.
Getting Things Straight
Wait a minute let me get this straight first we find the lyre then we get someone to play it uh Orpheus sings the bacchae sleep uh we go in kill Bacchus and free the girls. Sounds easy enough.
It's a good thing I know how to play the lyre.
I'm so going wherever Gabrielle is going after all I'm a warrior and she's a sidekick with her little stick.
I'm the only one who can stop Xena when he reveals her big fangs.
Ok fine but when she bites your head off in the middle of the night don't come running to me.
You can't be too careful with knives since you never know who could get hacked to pieces.
I'll just keep on guard since I won't sleep a wink.
I was just thinking about the best way to kill bacchae not that I haven't killed them before you know.
When I think weapons I think a blacksmith's shop not a graveyard.
I guess drayads can pop up at ya after all.
Gosh darn it I lost my boots and they cost me fifty dinars.
Hmm I need some new socks along with a new pair of boots.
Ok so I was wrong about who but I knew someone was a bacchae.
The cowards ran away from me and my sharp sword.
Nothing like stalking the bacchae to get the blood flowing.
Wow a bacchae really can move fast.
A good warrior always knows where he's going.
A good warrior knows what to do even if it involves killing a bacchae Gabrielle or not.
Well don't worry I'm ready for anything.
Bats are sneaky little creatures.
Whoa Bacchus is much bigger than I thought he would be and I bet that hair of his adds like a foot.
I didn't expect Orpheus to be that tall and then he just disappeared.
Well I'm off to see my mom I'm sure that Xena and Gabrielle can take care of Medusa without my help.
Joxer The Magnificent
Anyboyd can split an ordinary barrel in two but Joxer the Magnificent chose an iron ribbed one. You see I like a challenge choosing the hardest opponents huh. The toughest the most viscious opponents.
Whoa whoa Callisto dont make me hurt you.
Yeah well I turned good just like Xena.
I just love weddings.
Hey why couldn't I get a kiss from Xena? Would it have killed her?
Maybe she would have fainted dead away at my manliness which would put a crimp in her reputation for one of the finest warriors in the world.
As much as I love weddigns is as much as I hate funerals.
Wow that Xena sure can sing.
Willing To Sacrifice
You know Xena I know you don't think very much of me and that's fine but I care about Gabrielle too. And I would do anything to avenge her loss including sacrificing my own life.
Hee hee she said I have a good heart which is good to hear so maybe she does like me it's kinda hard to tell at times.
I'm here to save my friends.
Cool I got my first battle wound and I was called brave which of course I am and now I have a nice scar as proof of my exploit of saving Xena and Gabrielle from the fiercesome sex kitten Callisto.
Parting Ways
You know Xena I was thinking a warrior of my quality should let you off the hook. I'm setting off on my own. I'm sorry. Joxer the Good the Warm. Joxer the Valiant.
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Always Thinking
I hate it when I get hung up and pounded on.
They were so threatened by me that they had to tie me up so I couldn't destroy them.
No no you don't want to kill me. You're gonna want a hostage for the Athenian army.
That's right because you're dealing with Joxer the Magnificent. Don't worry I cleared the place out for you.
Great well you think you can cut me down without dropping me flat on my face.
I really wish I had killed Callisto for Gabrielle
Protecting Argo
Stay back I mean it that that's Xena's horse and I don't know what you did to her but I'm not gonna give you the chance to finish the job. Over my dead body maybe.
I never want to have that neck thing done to me again.
This is so confusing with Xena as Callisto or whatever.
Well up it's ok because I do have a brave heart and I'm you know a pretty big guy and everything you're welcome.
Reflex
It's a reflex to scream when I see Callisto's face even though it's not her.
I helped so I deserve a hug or maybe even a hearty handshake.
Well us warriors need to stick together even if she's in the wrong body.
I have nerves of steel.
Just Testing
Good response. Good next time I test your defenses I'll make even less noise on purpose.
Mail Call
How often do you get a personal invitation from the God of War? Ares sent out ten scrolls one of them for Callisto.
Who are you supposed to be a fierce warrior trapped in the body of Gabrielle?
Confidence
Yeah my presence would inspire confidence wouldn't it? Well thanks Callis uh Xen uh oh.
I just need to go with it since she knows who she is even if I don't all the time.
I'll just keep an eye on things and let my masculine prowess make the people feel confident they are being watched over.
Greatest Warrior
Don't touch my armor please. This is hand pounded. I heard you were looking for the world's greatest warrior. Well here I am.
They laugh because they know my greatness and are just jealous.
Guard Duty
Xena told me to guard the dock and I figured she meant this one. Now come on the castle is back that way.
A good warrior must have an excellent sense of direction.
The wind that sounds hungry is a sure sign my services are needed.
One of these days my nose is gonna be ripped off my face.
Bloodlust
You know you don't have to explain to me what you're going through. I understand it completely. Matter of act when I was your age...Hey it's just that kind of bloodlust I have to deal with every day on a regular basis. Whereas people like you innocent and sweet don't have that kind of bloodlust. Whereas I am the picture of self control.
Self Control
Yahh! Come back here you little winged thing. I'm gonna rip your wings off and mash your little body to bits.
Look let's not try to kill each other until after I slay the monster ok?
No a warrior never gives up his sword.
A warrior's sword is he never gets bored with it.
Prepare to feel the might of Joxer the Invincible!
When a sword isn't around use a giant toothpick to slay the monster.
The monster's dead I killed it. Meet Joxer the new God of War. You may bow.
I am so not a big noise making thingamijig.
Practice Makes Perfect
Any time you're ready. It's your funeral. Ah ha you're next Megalopolis. I'm gonna cut off your head and feed it to the fishes. First a special move I'm gonna put on ya.
Putting my ear to the ground ensures that giants won't follow me and catch me unaware.
A Sidekick
You're a sidekick without a hero and I'm a hero without a sidekick. I am Joxer the Mighty. I'm the greatest hero that ever was.
I'm Joxer the Mighty
He roams through the countryside
Hero
I am a hero. Look what would Xena do in a situation like this? Like um walking.
Every self respecting hero has a theme song.
Ok this is good I'll guard the rear.
Don't worry no one will get your rear.
Wow I met Aphrodite the Goddess of Love she's so beautiful.
Sexy Warrior Speak
My sword is always ready to pleasure you my lady.
Ladies each of you is like a rose in the garden of life. I've come to sample but the fragrance of but one. Princess Illeandra. Then I have a gift for you. It's golden finish is but a dim glimmer of the shimmering radiance of your cream like skin.
Who Am I?
Um sure there must have been twenty of 'em or more or less. Whatever it was you know I tore 'em apart with my bare hands. Of cource of course it's all coming back to me they had crossbows right I mean catapults. I was very fierce when I took them out. Listen as far as your skin goes it reminds me of cream just before it curdles 'cause that's when it's the best.
Note to self: Never ever kick a tree again because that really hurt my foot.
Some questions aren't worth answering for the answering isn't something I want to hear.
The name Joxer is easy to remember but this ditzy Princess keeps forgetting so much for royalty.
Happy Ending
Yeah but just once I'd like to have a happy ending.
Warrior Haze
I think it was more like a warrior haze. Yeah you know when your enemy's coming at you, your heart's pounding, your muscles are flexing then your mind shuts down and lets your body take over.
Your beauty inspires me to do the manliest of deeds.
Your eyes speak of desire. Your lips of estasy.
I think it's as obvious as the deepest azuare in Illeandra's eyes.
Gabrielle a man must do what a man must do.
Fighting with passion is good but if there is no skill you don't have a chance at winning.
Don't fight the heart Gabrielle it's a powerful little muscle.
I'm not a bumbling idiot I'm Joxer the Mighty a true hero through and through.
Two may be company but three is definetely a crowd when I want to spend time with my lady love.
A warrior doesn't run he stands and fights for what he's passionate about like my love.
Come your destiny lies at the point of my sword.
When outnumbered surrender gracefully.
Wow a Princess chose me over a Prince well it's no big surprise really since I am Joxer the Mighty the mightiest of all men.
No wonder they put me in chains because there's no telling what I'll do and boy oh boy this warrior haze is great.
I need to figure out how to put me under again like ringing a bell or another way to make it permanent maybe if I hold my breath I can put myself under.
Jealousy
I'm disappointed in you Gabrielle. Oh I think you're jealous. I can understand that I mean you want to be the hero so bad you can't stand the thought of me saving the day. Gabrielle there's nothing wrong with being a sidekick.
I'm not a sidekick I'm a hero!
Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside
He never needs a place to hide
With Gabby as his sidekick
Fighting with her little stick
Rightings wrongs and singing songs
Being mighty all day long
He's Joxer
He's Joxer the Mighty
Oh he's Joxer the Mighty
He's really tidy
Everybody likes him 'cause he has a funny grin
Joxer he's Joxer the Mighty
My Secret
Well I try to eat right exercise although I do get a little constipated sometimes you know.
If a man's condemned to death he should get a last request.
What a jip no last request I'm gonna notify the Executioner's Guild.
A guy should really know what he's being executed for.
My Realization
You know now I know what it's like to be admired by beautiful women and brave men. Now that things are back to normal I know what I am. I'm a big phony. Stop it Gabrielle you're the hero here even I know that. I don't even rate sidekick. Go on back to Xena. I don't know why I'm hanging out with you guys. I don't know why I ever convinced myself that I ever could.
Xena's not a liar and she did make me feel better and you know something she's right.
Joxer the Lion Hearted is ready for action.
Joxer the Mighty he's very tidy
Everyone admires he he's so handsome it's a sin
If you're in jeopardy don't call the calvalry
There's a better remedy
Although he doesn't work for free
He's every man's trustee
He's every woman's fantasy
Plus he's good for company
Joxer I'm Joxer the Mighty
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Mighty Advenuture
I was the one chosent to fight Callisto because if there is anyone mightier than Xena it's Joxer the Magnificent. So I challenged Callisto to pit her strength against mine. She was a little hesitant at first understandably but then she came at me and I parried, dodge, dodge, thrust. Parry, parry, and I spun around to...Hi Gabby. To uh call Xena to dispatch the villianess which she did well I held off the other members of Callisto's gang. Well that's because you were tied up at the time.
I'm only gonna say this one more time. I'm a close personal friend of Xena. Listen Road Block step aside.
You still don't know who you're dealing with don't make me hurt you.
I know that Xena couldn't resist my charms.
That stupid bed post really hurt my head.
Sullying A Reputation
Listen Xena I've been thinking a lot about something Gabrielle said to me. No listen Xena I've been sullying your reputation around town. Listen Xena I told a bar room full of guys how intimate you and I got.
I don't deserve you as a lover.
One of us has to be strong and it's me so listen I'll be outside your window should you need my sword at your service.
Always provide a distraction to make a clean gettaway.
Even I can get lost at times.
New Look
Oh this is madness do you really think a different dress will weaken my manly resolve? You're right. Rrrow!
I do love a lady in red.
Lookalikes
Wait a minute so Diana and Xena are exact lookalikes? Oh great I assaulted royalty. I'm in big troule. But on the bright side Xena still has a thing for me.
My Xena
She gave me a hickey and boy oh boy she was making do with my type. Simple really she was struck by Cupid's arrow. It's love Gabrielle don't worry I'm prepared to do the honorable thing. No marry her. We can all travel around together. Xena and I can be like a father and mother to you.
Forgive me your Highness I'm lower than rat droppings.
I'm quite the lady's man.
I think kissing is a good plan.
Oh Joxer why should you deny yourself to these needy women.
Confession
Well I hate to tell you this Xena but all right I might as well spit it out. Princess Diana wants me. Listen I can see the pain on your face but really there's plenty of me to go around. And um there's no reason we can't be adults about this and have a little fun. Oh don't worry Xena I got just what you need. And plenty of it too.
I'm not a clown!
Meg
She is bad real bad.
So I get it now it isn't Xena after all that's hot for me.
Meg huh that's a pretty name.
You think that I'm a complete joke don't you?
This is great being kissed by beautiful women.
Well Xena must care a little because she didn't want me to die.
I'm always eager to join in a fight against the bad guys
Hey Xena, Gabrielle wait up I uh listen I got some things to attend to so I won't be able to join you. You're sure 'cause I know how much you need a real warrior to watch your back.
I came on my own since there was nothing in the scroll about me.
I can't give up my scabbard it was the only thing my father ever gave me. I had to buy the sword myself.
Now that was good ale.
I guess things can get worse especially when the barbarians show up.
I don't get it what's so funny about waking up?
I don't get why they laughed but someone I suspect it might have something to do with me.
Does anybody really know what a chakram is and does the scroll know it?
Hey I'm not a dork I'm a warrior.
Limerick
A warrior Joxer the Mighty
Asked a boon from the God Aphrodite
And what a surprise with love's eyes
He saw three times
It's hard to find a word that ends in ite.
How can anyone sleep with Aphrodite's snoring?
Somet things in life are worth more than they seem.
Oops I guess I shouldn't have yelled since I prefer my barbarians to be sleeping.
I did enjoy the three naked Gabrielle's though.
What do you mean woke up with a jerk? Hey!
I just figured it out and I don't like that one little bit I'm not a jerk.
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I know when to quit when I'm ahead it's not like I'm stupid of something.
Don't fall for the gold nugget bit again.
I'd have to be an idiot not to swallowing something like that can be very dangerous.
Next time I get some dinars I'm hiding them and keeping my mouth shut.
We're not square until you clasp hands in the spirit of true fellowship.
Next time I take a gaming house for a hundred dinars I'm jumping on a horse for a fast gettaway to avoid being beaten half to death.
Being restrained by Gabby might not be so terrible of course I could do without the beating.
I'm always prepared for everything.
She didn't say how long I needed to wait so that means I can follow after a few seconds.
I hate seeing her so sad there has to be something I can do.
I'll be back and those lunkheads are on my list.
You're both on my list and I'm not taking any names.
Next time I need to find a better tree so I don't fall again which really hurt.
I don't really like to throw my weight aruond but sometimes I need to show those who need it that I mean business.
When in doubt throw dirt into the two big dumb looking guy's faces.
Yeah well I can make her forget. I'm a very forgettable person.
The gates are open but no one's storming the castle.
I'll just use her scrolls to fill in the blanks and leave out the bad stuff.
She's kinda annoying me with calling me Jerkster.
Sins Of The Past
It was a warm day in Potedia when the bard awoke. As she moved softly through the...
Boy that priestess sure did a number on her.
She does have a point I think her clothes are enchanted.
Joxer's Scroll With A Few Revisions
This is the story of Callisto. Yes no but um I want you to hear when we first met. Suddenly there he was he called himself Joxer a warrior. Hmm well turned phrase I must say. But a warrior like no other so inept, so clumsy, uh so cleverly disguised as a bumbler that uh no one suspected his true warrior nature. Then I realized that I was completely taken by this handsome, mysterious dark leader of men. So a thousand men attacked Joxer he battled them bravely one by one.
I can't do this to her part of being a man is admitting that I lied just a little bit.
Coming Clean
A lie is me thinking I could give you back all your happy memories. I'm just not a part of those even though I really wanted to be. Look I didn't rescue Ullyses that was Xena. And I didn't give Ares back his Godhood that was Xena too. And I didn't convert Hercules back from being evil that was well it was complicated. And Callisto's not my love kitten but look Gabrielle I just want the old Gabrielle back you know the one who used to smack me on the forehead and gouge out my eyes. Just forget everything I've told you. It's not who you are. Except for the part about dancing nude in the rain that is you.
I've never been so glad to have her yank on my ear and tug at my nose in my life.
I don't want things that go bump in the night to actually go bump in the night.
Those bugs are quite tasty and filling.
Ants are also very tasty with their little legs as it goes down my throat.
Gabrielle is certainly the ultimate fantasy I could look at her for hours.
Gosh darn it I was all ready to see her take her clothes off.
She could kill me with her beauty any day.
There is absolutely nothing not to like about this girl.
I appreciate the beauty of Gabrielle.
Wiggley food is fun to eat.
Ah ah I Attus King of Trout and ruler of its people. I set you free.
The great monkey Xena saved the Princess.
A rock is good to rub against when I have an itch in a hard to reach place on my back.
I Attus. Attus appreciate. Don't speak. Attus take you as bride.
Swinging on a vine is really fun.
Attus pleasure you with much furious thug thug first.
The Princess's Clothes
It's so soft like baby monkey.
If bride not want food time for thug thug.
Now I take you to raging river where for three moons we make furious thug thug.
They should come when I call those stupid animals for I am the King after all.
Great white monkey Xena is quite smart and nice to help me recapture my bride.
Now time for thug thug.
When sharp things get too close I renounce throne.
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What's a warrior without a weapon?
That was great my sword didn't get stuck in my scabbard.
Yeah you know like uh you and I fighting evil shoulder to shoulder.
Ok I've got to tell Gabrielle how I feel about her before she dies again.
Eli told me to keep it simple but I need to practice because it's gonna be hard and it's not like I wanna sound like an idiot.
Ways To Declare Love
1. I could get down on one knee.
2. I could get her flowers.
3. I could club her over the head and drag her off to a cave somewhere.
I asked Xena and she said no strings so I'll just speak from the heart and hope for the best.
You'll be amazed what a little undercover work will get ya.
Well I did it but it didn't go like I had it all worked out in my head but it was bad timing but I had to finally get it out once and for all.
Amazons
All you know is shopping for bows and arrows and emasculation.
I knew a horse that once bit a man in half.
Women can't live with 'em can't chain 'em in the yard.
Wow that was some big hole.
Hey never underestimate cooks.
Yes I am a smart guy and I know my shallot and shellfish among other things.
I certainly do know my spices.
He don't speak Greek too good do he?
You should really learn the language otherwise you can't talk to one another.
You have to know how to haggle with people but it's a challenge when they don't speak Greek too good.
You know Gabrielle I've been around enough to recognize sarcasm when I hear it.
I wonder where Gabrielle learned to do that thing with her foot.
You know that was the first time I ever had three feet in my pants.
Wow a big brick wlal that's a thousand miles long now that took a really long time to build.
I'd gladly die if Gabrielle is saved but that doesn't mean I don't want to be saved too.
Flying
Xena you won't believe it. It was incredible I was like a bird. I could see the trees, the ocean.
I invented black powder or reinvented it or whatever!
I really don't work well under pressure.
See I too have studied the art of oon maa oong.
Ok this hat isn't good for head butting although it keeps the sun off.
That's it Xena if you would concentrate on making that thing stone maybe it would cook.
I like my rabbit soft and tender not like rock that would break my teeth if I tried to eat it.
Xena
She's turned so many rabbits into stone that she could open up a shop and sell them at least some dinars would come out of it and I could buy some food.
That squirrel put up quite a fight and boy are those teeth sharp.
Hey how come I don't get a horse too.
I'm a statue since the guy in front of me blew up which I don't want to experience first hand.
That guy is so hitting on Gabby and I don't like it one bit.
Food
Yep I won two awards for this at the Tbians Cooking Academy of course the Tbians legendary flatuence had nothing to do with this.
Bravery
Who was gonna pull their sword first me or them. Then wang ten of 'em went down right then and there before me. Well bravery isn't really the word for it more like incredibly chivalrous. Because right then and there wave after wave came whag yack hack blood right in front of me. Kahn's army hun.. thousands, hundreds of thousands of 'em came at me. I whammed ten of 'em went down. Wham spurting blood everywhere and they ran. I dropped my sword but then Kahn came right towards me. I looked at him took my hand reached into his chest pulled out his beating heart.
Musicians
Ah come on they can't all be mediocre.
Of all people to run into my brother Jace turns up and he still has that phony accent and dresses like a clown.
Killer
I can kill a person with a cold stare. But you know inside I'm as delicate as a daisy on the inside.
Way To The Heart Through Laughter
Oh well then in that case I'm the sexiest man in the world.
I hate it when Jace hugs me it's like being hugged by a bear and always wanting to play that stupid game.
I'm a warrior with a reputation to protect. I follow my sword.
Hey this armor is hand pounded not a pasta strainer.
I'm a warrior now and Jace is Jace.
Cleanliness
Do birds fly? Do bees buzz? Do I take a bath once a month whether I need it or not.
Amoria is sure pretty and she called me killer and handsome which I totally am of course.
You know uninhibitedness runs in my family.
Jace
Look you're a grown man if you want to dress like a clown and act like a spaz that is none of my business.
Jealous Perhaps
Well it was worth a try to ask Gabby out after all it did seem like she was a little jealous of Amoiria.
Will that baby never shut up?
Better a scared mute baby than a screaming one.
Ok that screaming baby is making me cranky now.
No Dinars
Let me first you got your nails done then you went to your ballet lesson.
You can never have enough prunes.
Brilliant
Wait a minute this is our golden opportunity. You are gonna be my new partner. Joxer and Little Pal. Look your new sword.
Even Better
You can be a cricus act. Joxer and his amazing sideshow freak.
That really hurt when tiny Gabby bit my finger.
Calling A God
Oh Lachromose God of Despair hear my plea and appear. Life is so awful. You're the first God I've ever summoned you know. Well it all started when I was a child. I was a happy kid at first but then mom and dad started fighting. He'd get tanked and take the chariot no matter who tried to stop him. One day he lost control of it. Mom took it hard then she took a couple of arrows from dad's creditors and died. It's just not fair.
This God is a little strange and he's making me a little uncomfortable.
Of course I'm not as dumb as I look in fact I'm pretty darn smart.
When you're in a pie fight it's essential to duck although I think I prefer to eat it.
I'm glad I didn't get another pie in the face after cleaning up since I'm good for another month.
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Duh you tear meat from the bones with your hands of course.
Ok I really liked the kiss but not followed by a punch which really hurt.
You'd think a person would show a little more gratitude after all I did save her life.
