Xena

Warrior Babes The Second

Xena

Sins Of The Past: During this scroll Gabrielle avoids becoming dinner for the blind and cranky cyclops.

Chariots Of War: During this scroll Gabrielle discovered that driving a chariot wasn't for her.

Dreamworker: During this scroll Gabrielle's little secret came out.

Cradle Of Hope: During this scroll a baby gets a home and a woman who believed herself cursed found a family.

No babies were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Path Not Taken: During this scroll Marcus made the ultimate sacrifice and totally proved that he could change for the better although it sucked that he had to lose his life in order to do it.

The Reckoning: During this scroll Gabrielle hurt her hand when she tried to hit Xena and didn't reach high enough.

The Titans: During this scroll Xena and Gabrielle narrowly avoid being squashed by Hyperion.

Prometheus: During this scroll no one died and new friends were made.

Iolaus was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the Green Egg men went to live long and prosperous lives.

Death In Chains: During this scroll it was revealed that Death has a name and it's Celesta.

No unabating or severly punishing deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Hooves And Harlots: During this scroll a show of bravery earned Gabrielle a place among the Amazons as a Princess.

No males, Centaurs, or Amazons were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Black Wolf: During this scroll Gabrielle found out just how tough it can be to get herself arrested.

Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts: During this scroll Helen was finally able to make choices for herself regarding what she wanted to do with her life.

Athens City Academy Of The Performing Bards: During this scroll Gabrielle wowed the crowd with her storytelling but found out that she needed to keep traveling to keep the inspiration going.

The Producers would like to acknowledge and pay tribute to Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas, and all those who were involved with the making of the fillm classic 'Spartacus.' Additional thanks to Steve Reeves.

A Fistful Of Dinars:

No ambrosia was spilled, spoiled or in any way harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Warrior...Princess: During this scroll a princess looked exactly like Xena but was her total opposite.

Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Mortal Beloved: During this scroll Marcus earns a place in the Elysian Fields.

No winged harpies were harmed or sent to a fiery grave during the production of this motion picture.

A Royal Couple Of Thieves: During this scroll Autolycus shows that he was more than just a thief but a guy with a good heart.

No ancient or inflexible regarding moral behavior were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Prodigal:

Meleager the Mighty, the generally tipsy and carousing warrior-for-hire was not harming during the production of this motion picture.

Altared States: During this scroll Gabrielle learns the hard way how drugs can affect you.

No unabating or severely punishing deities were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Ties That Bind: During this scroll one whack on the head with a pitchfork brought Xena back to her senses.

No Fathers, spiritual or biological were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Greater Good: During this scroll Argo proved just how much she loves Xena.

Excessive belching can cause brain damage and social ostracism. Kids, please don't give into peer pressure. Play it safe.

Callisto: During this scroll Callisto didn't get what she wanted and Joxer's nose really took a pounding.

Joxer's nose was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, his crossbow was severely damaged.

Death Mask: During this scroll a brutal warlord was brought down.

No messenger doves were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several are reported missing in action and search-and-rescue efforts are underway.

Is There A Doctor In The House?: During this scroll Gabrielle dies but comes back and becomes and aunt and sometimes it's a good idea to take the scenic route.

Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed during the production of this motion picture. But since television is a dramatic medium of make believe, all casualties removed their prosthetic make-up and went home unscathed.

Orphan Of War: During this scroll Solan stops hating Xena and considers her to be a friend.

No sleazy warlords who deem it necessary to drink elixirs that turn them into scary creatures were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Remember Nothing: During this scroll Xena got a taste of what it would be like if she'd never become a warrior and realizes that being a warrior is for the best.

The Giant Killer: During this scroll a debt is paid to an old friend.

No Bible myths or icons were irreparably mangled during the production of this motion picture.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: During this scroll Bacchus suffers a major setback when Xena kills him.

No bloodsucking bacchae were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, a few dryads lost their heads.

Return Of Callisto: During this scroll Perdicus dies and Callisto sinks into quicksand.

Although Xena conquered her dark nemesis Callisto, it took her weeks to get the sand out of her unmentionables.

Warrior...Princess...Tramp: During this scroll Joxer meets a girl who's the spitting image of Xena and gets a hickey among other things.

Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.

Intimate Stranger: During this scroll Callisto escapes from the Underworld.

Argo was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy to help her work through her resentment and feelings of distrust towards Xena.

Ten Little Warlords:

No one was harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability to recover her body was severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap.

A Solstice Carol:

Sinticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.

The Xena Scrolls:

Here She Comes Miss Amphipolis:

No ribbons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several experienced motion sickness.

Destiny:

Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny any responsiblity for any unfortunate acts of betrayal causing some discomfort.

The Quest:

Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.

A Necessary Evil:

The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Valasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.

A Day In The Life:

No slippery eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the world.

For Him The Bell Tolls:

The producers wish to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to the classic motion picture "Court Jester."

The Execution:

Blind Faith:

Ulysses:

Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling, Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Price:

The Lost Mariner:

A Comedy Of Eros:

No cherries were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Furies: A person tends to get a little bit crazy when the Furies are whispering in their head.

Been There, Done That: One tends to get a bit cranky when the day keeps repeating itself over and over.

The rooster was not harmed during the production of this motion picture, although his feathers were severely ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse straightened out the mess.

The Dirty Half Dozen: Two people getting a second chance out of the six you started out with isn't too bad.

No convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture.

The Deliverer:

Gabrielle was slightly well-done during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers would like to recommend a zesty barbeque sauce to bring out the full flavor of this episode.

Gabrielle's Hope:

Despite witnessing the bizarre and somewhat disturbing birth of Gabrielle's Hope, no farm animals were harmed or traumatized during the production of this motion picture.

The Debt 1:

No frock tarts were killed during the production of this motion picture although they wish they had been.

The Debt 2:

King Of Assassins:

Warrior...Priestess...Tramp:

Despite another Xena lookalike, the gene pool (or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Quill Is Mightier:

Maternal Instincts:

Xena and Gabrielle's relationship was harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Bitter Suite:

The musical genre was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. In fact, the producers sincerely hope that you were A-MUSE-D by this episode.

One Against An Army:

Gabrielle's ankle was harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Forgiven:

No street-talking, cat-fighting, barroom-brawling juvenile delinquents were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

King Con:

When In Rome...:

Caesar's palace was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Crassus and the gladiators went down for the count.

Forget Me Not:

Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during production of this motion picture.

Fins, Femmes, & Gems:

Joxer's dignity was slightly harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, Gabrielle's pink nightie was restored to it's original condition.

Tsunami:

No cast or crew were singing "Tanks for the Memories" during the production of this motion picture. However, the phrase "strike the set" was given new meaning.

Vanishing Act:

Upon completion of the filming of this episode, Autolycus' scuba gear was placed on display at the Athens Diving Institute for the education and enjoyment of future generations to come.

Sacrifice 1:

No pulsing cocoons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. What was witnessed was purely a re-enactment.

Sacrifice 2:

Gabrielle finally went off the deep end during the production of this motion picture.

Adventures In The Sin Trade 1: During this scroll Gabrielle was missing from the land of the dead and Xena met some Amazons.

No dead Amazons lost their lives in the production of this motion picture.

Adventures In The Sin Trade 2: During this scroll Xena had it out with Alti and had a vision that revealed that Gabrielle was alive after all.

Xena's search for Gabrielle was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

A Family Affair: During this scroll Gabrielle had a close encounter with her very creepy grandson.

No spike-skinned, beast-like, incredibly hungry offspring who can't stand the sun were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

In Sickness And In Hell: During this scroll everyone had a bad week and it was revealed that Argo's a sucker for apples.

No leapin' lice were beaten, whipped, smashed or scratched during the production of this motion picture.

A Good Day: During this scroll a village was burned to the ground and a good man died.

No permanent battle scars were inflicted during the production of this motion picture.

A Tale Of Two Muses: During this scroll everyone was finally allowed to dance to their heart's content.

No self-righteous magistrates intent on surpressing the basic human right of freedom of expression were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Locked Up And Tied Down: During this scroll Xena went to prison for a murder she didn't commit.

No rabid flesh eating crabs were cooked during the production of this motion picture.

Crusader: During this scroll a wacko tried to steal Gabrielle away and whipped Xena's butt.

Xena's best chewing tooth was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Past Imperfect: During this scroll the truth came out and the past came back with a vengeance.

Borias' goose was cooked during the production of this motion picture.

Key To The Kingdom: During this scroll Meg proved what a good mother she'd make.

Daughter Of Pomira: During this scroll a young girl stopped the bloodshed between two peoples and gained a second family.

If The Shoe Fits...: During this scroll Gabrielle's top was sacrificied when Xena ran out of rope.

No fractured fables were harmed in the production of this motion picture.

Paradise Found: During this scroll Gabrielle fell down a hole and nearly turned into a blue statue.

Paradise was found but not necessarily embraced during the production of this motion picture.

Devi: During this scroll Gabrielle was possessed and walked on hot coals.

In memory of Women's best friend: Bear, Dodger, Kali, Samantha, Taffy, Bear.

Between The Lines: During this scroll Xena and Gabrielle got a glimpse of their future selves.

Xena's chakram got Gabrielle by the short hairs during the production of this motion picture.

The Way: During this scroll Xena's arms got cut off but they were restored and Gabrielle threw her staff into the river.

Any similarities between Hanuman and a major character in the motion picture classis "Planet Of The Apes" is purely coincidental.

The Play's The Thing: During this scroll Gabrielle discovered that her scrolls are meant to be read not acted out on the stage and that Sophocles is a real perv.

Although no great literary works of art were harmed or plagiarised, a few thespians stole some scenes during the production of this motion picture.

The Convert: During this scroll Joxer makes his first kill and has nightmares about it.

Argo's gastronomical condition was cleared up upon completion of this motion picture.

Takes One To Know One: During this scroll Discord tried her hand at retribution and shared that she didn't di animals which came as a bit of a shock.

Argo was once again proven innocent during the production of this motion picture.

End Game: During this scroll Ephiny is killed in battle.

Pompey's reign came to a head during the production of this motion picture.

Ides Of March: During this scroll Xena and Gabrielle were crucified and Callisto had a front row seat when Gabby went on a killing spree.

Xena and Gabrielle were killed during the production of this motion picture.

Deja Vu All Over Again: During this scroll Ares tries yet again to get Xena and once again he's shot down.

No sword-wielding, card-carrying, therapy-seeking French freedom fighters were deflowered during the production of this motion picture.

Fallen Angel: During this scroll Xena saves Callisto's soul and becomes a demon but luckily Eli with a little help brought them back to life before Xena could do too much damage.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Chakram: During this scroll the broken chakram was fixed and Joxer shared his feelings with Gabrielle.

Xena's dark and violent past was restored during the production of this motion picture.

Succession: During this scroll Ares saw Gabrielle in a whole new light.

Ares' libido was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Animal Attraction: During this scroll Xena finds out that she's pregnant even though she's been a love free zone.

Although the rabbit died, no other animals were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Them Bones, Them Bones: During this scroll Alti tries to steal Xena's baby's soul to replace it for her own but she ends up stuck in amber while the baby's safe and sound.

Xena and Alti were bad to the bone during the production of this motion picture.

Purity: During this scroll Gabrielle got creative with her feet.

To obtain a copy of Joxer's recipe for Moo Shu Sauce and other Chinese delicacies visit your local bookstore or look for it at the tavern.

Back In The Bottle: During this scroll many bunnies were turned to stone.

Pao Su's split personality was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Little Problems: During this scroll Xena got in touch with her inner child.

No tie pins were harmed during the making of Tharon's mask.

Seeds Of Faith: During this scroll the father of Xena's baby was revealed and came as quite a surprise.

Thanks to Eli's non-violent ways, many people lost their lives during the production of this motion picture.

Lyre, Lyre Hearts On Fire: During this scroll it was discovered that Joxer had yet another brother was is quite flashy but fun.

No lyres were strung out during the production of this motion picture.

Punch Lines: During this scroll a God laughed for the very first time and all it took was a pie in the face.

Gabrielle and Argo were shrunk and permanently pressed during the production of this motion picture.

God Fearing Child: During this scroll Zeus ate Hera and Hercules killed Zeus but he died quite proud of his son.

Zeus cashed in his chips during the production of this motion picture.

Eternal Bonds: During this scroll Gabrielle was a bitch and admitted that she could be one sometimes.

Ares' virility was harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Amphipolis Under Siege: During this scroll Ares was so close but didn't get his satisfaction.

Post Production was under siege during the production of this motion picture.

Married With Fishsticks: During this scroll Joxer was the hero when he saved Gabrielle's life.

No sea nymphs or other denizens of the deep were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Life Blood: During this scroll the horse was painted on but survived to see another day.

Warning: The Surgeon General cautions practicing weird and grotesque Amazon rituals may be hazardous to your health.

Kindred Spirits: During this scroll Joxer got caught peeping and lost his life but he was revived.

Many cinnamon swirls lost their livings during the making of Gabrielle's headdress.

Antony & Cleopatra: During this scroll Xena's weakness for bad boys struck again.

Looking Death In The Eye: During this scroll Xena and Gabrielle took a very long nap.

Death almost died during the production of this motion picture.

Livia: During this scroll Xena and Gabrielle find out that twenty-five years have passed while they were sleeping.

Due to an over indulgence of Bean and Bard Burgers, Meg's gastro-intestinal problem intensified during the production of this motion picture.

Eve: During this scroll Joxer was killed.

Joxer's sudden and unexpected death slowed down his rapid aging process during the production of this motion picture.

Motherhood: During this scroll the Furies messed with Gabrielle's head and most of the Gods remaining were killed.

All the Gods were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Coming Home: During this scroll Ares was the last person to get his head messed with by the Furies before they died.

Xena and Gabrielle's psyches were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

The Haunting Of Amphipolis: During this scroll Xena killed yet another God.

No maggots were harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Heart Of Darkness: During this scroll after a little partying a new King of Hell was sent to his kingdom.

All hell broke loose during the production of this motion picture.

Who's Gurkhan?: During this scroll Gabrielle overcame the urge to murder in cold blood even though the guy totally deserved it.

Xena's uncanny ability to recover from devastating wounds was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Legacy: During this scroll a sandstorm caused a scroll to appear as a knife which resulted in the death of an innocent.

Despite severe air turbulence, no sand dunes were harmed during the production of this motion picture, although some experienced periodic bouts of motion sickness.

The Abyss: During this scroll Gabrielle was seasoned and nearly became dinner for a group of cannibals.

Virgil's appetite was suppressed during the production of this motion picture.

The Rheingold: During this scroll Xena went north and Gabrielle followed.

No flying horses were harmed in the making of this motion picture, although several villagers were bombarded with aerial manure.

The Ring: During this scroll Gabrielle took a nap in a ring of fire.

Return Of The Valkyrie: During this scroll Xena kissed Gabrielle and got her memory back.

Any similarity between our story and the classic childrens fairy tale is purely coincidental.

Old Ares Had A Farm: During this scroll Ares made a friend.

Ares went to the dogs in the making of this motion picture.

Dangerous Prey: During this scroll the psycho hunting people met a pointy ending.

Raczar mysteriously disappeared at the completion of production of this motion picture and is rumoured to have been living under the guise of "Prince Vladimir Barbeque Raczar?"

The God You Know: During this scroll Aphrodite got her mind back but she lost her Godly powers.

Gabrielle's undercover disquise was extensively harmed during the making of this motion picture.

You Are There: During this scroll the godlen apple gave Ares and Aphrodite their Godhoods back.

Path Of Vengeance: During this scroll Ares was up to his old tricks again.

The disclaimer for this episode was harmed during the making of this motion picture.

To Helicon And Back: During this scroll Gabrielle found out that war is tough on the soul.

No shark bait was harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Send In The Clones: During this scroll Xena and Gabrille rode off into the sunset.

No Xena fans were harmed in the making of this motion picture.

The Last Of The Centaurs: During this scroll all but two centaurs were killed.

The centaur population was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture.

When Fates Collide: During this scroll Caesar once again met a bad ending.

As the Fates would have it, Caesar was once again harmed during the making of this motion picture.

Many Happy Returns: During this scroll Gabrielle's practical joke bit her in the butt.

No fish guts were harmed in the making of this motion picture.

Soul Possession: During this scroll Ares was foiled once again.

Joxer's process of elimination was harmed during the making of this motion picture.

Friend In Need 1: During this scroll Gabrielle finally learned how to do the pince.

Xena and Gabrielle's Flying Circus and Amateur Fire Brigade will be arriving in your town soon.

Friend In Need 2: During this scroll Xena died and stayed that way.

Xena was permanently harmed in the making of this motion picture, but kept her spirits up.