Single Vamp Gal's Guide

It's a good idea to have a job where the boss understands you since he's a vamp too which is a bonus.

Realize that vamps get grumpy and this particular soul having one doesn't mean to be mean he's just that way at times even with those he's closest to.

Having a vampire for a boss has its benefits since there is that special glass that allows you to see the sun without being turned into a pile of dust.

You of course don't need to live in a crypt anymore since that is so old school so why not get yourself a cute apartment. Although crypts can be fixed up to look all homey it just won't put a guy in the right mood if you brought him back to one.

If you are being ignored when girls are chatting be aware that something could be up.

Take advantage of the fact that you sort of know some of the big wigs. Talk to one of them about your grumpy boss if you can't face him yourself.

When you go up to a cute guy that's sitting at the bar make sure you keep track of your drink so someone doesn't slip something into it.

Go out and bond with another girl and become pals since everyone needs those even a vamp girl.

You should get an alarm clock that either plays music or does the beeping thing not both at the same time because that's really annoying.

It's a bad sign when you get totally blown off by the chicks chatting.

Before placing an order make sure there is a return policy just in case your boss isn't happy with the results.

Camel meat is a delicacy. The host gets the honor of slicing off its hump and sticking a hot poker through its heart. And then the demon leaders rip apart its carcass with their bare hands.

Job Duties: Answer the phones. Make appointments. Anticipate his needs which does not include a petting zoo in the lobby.

It's great to give up the killing of humans especially if you suck at the whole evil thing.

Put yourself out there more and mingle by going to a place where the employees hang out.

Say, "Hi" and introduce yourself and ask him questions like: Where are you from? What do you do for a living? In other words cover the boring stuff only act like it's not boring and if you click with the guy it shouldn't be boring. Let the guy finish his sentence before you charge in with a question. Why don't I get you a drink? is a big thumbs up.

If you find a dead guy in the bed check the neck to make sure you bit him because if he was bitten by a left biter and you're a right biter you're off the hook because it's a setup.

It's good to actually know the guy's name since you did go to bed with him.

Sneaking down the hallway with the dead body wrapped in a sheet and throwing it down the garbage chute isn't such a great idea.

The body could miss the garbage bin completely and considering where you work it's likely that your boss will find out about the body at some point.

Sometimes when you want to act normal you end up saying the exact opposite of what you should like, "Hi how's it hanging love the pocket square.

If your boss says, "Blood" it's not on you he just wants his morning cup of blood.

Desk Crunches: Get fit while you sit. To explain the hiding and crouching in the chair.

Tell boss to put a microwave and fridge in his office for the warmest blood.

If all you remember is the talking it's a pretty safe bet that you'd been drugged.

If the window is clear you can be seen if you try to listen to a phone conversation.

A name change may be in order but don't go with Harmonita since it's too close to the original name the key is to go with a name that isn't anything like your name in order for the most effective hiding.

Remember that the random blood test results get automatically transmitted down to the lab.

Pretending not to hear the moaning and knocking yet another guy out and sticking him in the closet is a no no.

Even vamps can black out but it's a total sign that she's been spike with a mickey of some sort.

Locking the girl in the closet that is trying to help you is a really bad idea.

To make up for locking them in the closet apologize and promise them dinner.

Check the thermos for fingerprints when it's looking like you've been set up.

Writing out a To Do List can be very helpful when you have a lot of things to do.

Sometimes a guy just needs to get something behind the thermos which is why it's in his hand.

Hone your skills enough so you know when a person is telling the truth or lying.

A headlock is good but invest in a pair of shoes that will resist being stomped on with no pain.

Accidentally staking a vamp on the conference table in front of your boss along with some clients can actually turn out to be in your favor since it saves their asses and your job all in one but leave out the part about it being an accident.

You'll be clean in two days after having a spiked human blood experience.

Just bring us some coffee is the boss's way of saying you're not fired.

Some guys make you go all tingly when you see them no matter how horribly he treated you in the past and took for granted.

Believe that you are worth something after all that girl did try to frame you because she was totally jealous of you.

If you're sitting at your desk and are asked, "Is he in?" The he they are referring to would be the boss.

I'm not allowed to talk to Accounting without Angel's approval. I accidentally authorized a few Bath of the Month subscriptions on accident.

Any business with the Senior Partners I'm supposed to tell Angel immediately.

Also anytime something comes in with runes on it. I'm supposed to tell Angel immediately. And not try and read the runes myself. 'Cause that could cause a fire.

Do a little torture for the team: Come, on you hussy spill it. While saying that make with the punching. You can stop the punching once the person starts spilling. It sucks when the person starts talking away but sometimes that happens.

Just trying to help: Unless you meant to do that. Some kind of tricky lawyer maneuvering you're trying to pull.

Just a thought: Why else would a chick who's coming to spend three nights in a jail cell dress like it's her first date.

Only too glad to help out: I may have bloodust but I'm happy to help with torturing especially when it's a little weasel.

My area of expertise: Gonna torture him? Can I help? I'm really good at it. Why do you think I want to help? Because I've got some kind of bloodlust? Well ok that too but Fred's my friend. We went out for drinks all the once and if Poindexter here had anything to do with hurting her then I'm in for a big fat pound of flesh.

Totally deserves it: Smack her a good one for me. So gonna leave a mark.

Looking on the bright side: At least I didn't get tossed out the window landing smack dab on the sidewalk which so leaves an even bigger mark than the one I got.

Knox: I never trusted that little nerd. The rumpled hair. The socks that didn't match. The cute lopsided grin. So totally playing us I Mean who did he think he was fooling besides all of us. Um shouldn't you be wearing one of those linen suits? Right. Mind if I put one on?

Just a reminder: A vampire doesn't need protection against things that affect humans so the suit isn't needed.

Sympathy: The girl of your dreams loved you. That's more than most people ever get.

Finds: Got me beat. All I found was a cell phone and a cheese sandwich. It had his name written on the bag with little smiley faces in the O the big girl. Oh um I think so. Got a Rick Springfield screen saver which opens up a whole new set of questions.

Helpful: What about missed calls? Knox couldn't have erased if he didn't have his lady phone on him.

Feeling good: It feels good to help out and know that I truly have a purpose in the world.

When the boss wants something done just do it even if it won't just get on it so he doesn't yell.

Not so dumb: It's really hard to get a frim ETA on alternate dimension travel.

Note to self: Next time no refreshments with sugar because the sugar high is someting I don't want to do again.

Refreshments but no human blood: I can offer you something in a rodent. We have some fruity unassumable...

It doesn't hurt to ask for a sip of the human blood but the boss is the boss and what he says goes.

Spikey sun thing: That'd look good on a calf. Thinking of getting a tattoo right? Putting a little more bad in your bad boy bang. It should go on your calf.

Geez doesn't anyone respect my opinion on stuff I am after all not some dumb blonde ok I have blonde hair but that doesn't make me dumb about stuff you know.

Being human: I don't know it's weird part of me always knew life would after high school. I was popular you know the whole golden years thing. Not so great zits, dandruff, mortality although I do remember my heart. The way it would thump when I kissed a really hot boy for the first time. That was cool.

Keeping busy: Oy heah I've been keeping him busy and he's been making me quite satisfied but it's not like he's my boyfriend.

Loyalty: I'll have you know I'm damn loy dumbass! Because you never have any confidence in me. Are you firing me? Do you think I could get a recommendation?