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Lorne On Pylea
Talk about screwed up values. A world of only good and evil. Black and white. No
gray. No music. No art. Just champions roaming the countryside fighting for justice. Bo-ring! Got a problem solve it with
a sword. No one admits to having actual feelings and emotions. Let alone talks about them. Can you imagine living in a place
like that?
Landok On His Cousin
The same Krevlorne Swath of the Death Wok Clan who refused the ancient tradition
of hunting and gathering. Your cowardice even extended to the sacred joust.
I will not receive glory unless you perform the rituals. Landok
Helpful Tips
Just In Case You Get Sucked Into Another Dimension
Or You Need To Rescue A Friend
1. If you see a book with strange words don't read it out loud because who
knows what will happen.
2. If you do get sucked into another dimension don't scream because that will
draw unwanted attention especially if the place you have been sent to enslaves your species.
3. If you have to go it certainly helps to have a guide.
4. Go in a car so you end up in the same place since if you in side by side
you will end up in different places.
5. The book that you use to open the portal may only be one way so it may
not come with you.
6. If you do get captured sometimes it's best to stay quiet because what is
the point of getting beat on especially if you are surrounded and have no way to fight your way out.
7. Sometimes it can make you feel a little better to pretend that the mancles
are made of a magickal alloy and that's the reason you can't break free from them.
8. Sometimes it's best to stay quiet because you just might end up make things
worse.
9. The people here are totally Xenophobic so be careful to avoid being beaten
to death with sticks.
10. If attacked by the Angel beast remember to apply mud to the wounds and remember
that he's your friend just not right at that moment.
11. Treating the subjects like friends and actually people can accomplish quite
a bit.
12. Don't be so quick to offer up info like being a good pal of the Princess because
it caould backfire big time.
13. If you locked up in a block and you get attacked use the block as a weapon and
start to swinging to do some damage.
14. The priest stay dead when the head is removed which is such a relief because
hello who really likes those guys anyway.
The Angel Beast
Angel's vampire self has been sublimated somehow by this dimension. Only his human
self has surfaced like being able to walk in the sun and seeing a reflection. And now for some reason he's accessed his demon
and he can't find the balance he has on Earth. His demon self totally overcomes his human side. Demon in its purest form.
This is a world where there are two suns and vampires don't burst
into flames. However there is a pretty nasty side effect of being there. The human side comes out so the reflection can be
seen but when you let the demon out it is in its purest form so it's pretty nasty and viscious.
Human Beings
Humans are called cows and are enslaved. A hell beastie finds them and they are
sold at market. They use a barter system since they have no form of currency. A collar is placed around the neck and the person
with the controlling device can inflict pain if the person doesn't please them. The device can also blow a person's head off
which isn't good. They give you a sack to wear so they aren't a very fashionable race. The people who live there that aren't
slaves don't dress all that much better and they seem to not care for colors really since everything is pretty much dullsville.
Pylean Philsophy
Cows are not for talking they're for doing their jobs.
Colors are pretty much frowned on in this place.
Constable Norwick: The guy in charge and a total hater of trash scum. He also enjoys
watching executions done slowly.
Their big form of entertainment is mutilating.
They also have no sense of humor.
The Constable On Cows
Cows are not friends. They are creatures of labor. Beasts of burden no more.
When executions are performed the corpses are dragged to the village square where
the bodies are hung as a warning.
The Priests Of Trombley
The red robey types that run the place. They also have some connection with Wolfram
& Hart which is no big surprise because those guys are pretty much everywhere.
As it was ordained in the beginning all cows belong to the Trobley and villagers.
Holy Books
And if one of thy slaves shall offend me thou shalt smit him down. And if all of
the slaves shall offend thee shall smite them down too even unto the very last one in the land.
Prophecy Concerning The Cursed One
It is foretold in the ancient prophecies that one will come who is cursed with visions.
She will mate with the Groosalug whose demon blood shall absorb them. In other words if Cordy has sex with Groo he will receive
the visions.
The Holy Books are written in Trionic. No one volume is complete without the other
two. It's really one book broken up into three pieces. The rhythm of the sentence structure lets one know when to jump from
book to book. (There is a Wolfram & Hart connection which is no surprise because they are everywhere much like roaches.)
The priests that have been running this mess for the last several millenia the Covenant
of the Trombley humorless bunch anyway they teach about a coming of a Messiah. The Cursed One of being with a pure sight who
will one day claim the throne and restore the monarchy. A direct link to the Powers That Be.
Cordy's New Title
The Venerable Monarch of Pylea. The General of the Ravinish Legions. Eater of our
enemies flesh. Blood of the Sacrificial Blood Rites and Sovreign Pro Council of Death.
Pylea
Into a dimension she was sucked
A vision of a girl
At first she was captured
A chatty slave cow
Until she had a vision
Quite a hellish place
If you're a human
An exception to the rule
Cursed with visions
She passed a painful test
From slave to princess
She left her mark
Dazzled by Groo
With his eyes
Said goodbye with one last kiss
The Champion of the Realm can't turn down a challenge even if a Princess asks
him to.
Swinging The Kreble: It is a great honor.
A warrior is carried by two in a circle and two others carry a human. He is given
an axe and gets to cut off the head of the runaway slave.
Challenge
I challenge name of person to mortal combat. Come out and face me you spineless coward. (Use the last bit
to really piss the person off.
The fight takes place in the village square.
Hot Spots
Certain geographical ares are rife with psychic energy. These areas tends to function
as dimensional hot spots, natural gateways between worlds. Creating a portal tends to deplete the hot spot of its psychic
energy. A second portal can't be opened in the same spot. When seperate entities enter a dimensional portal they tend to well
seperate. If you open another portal and just jump in you could end up on opposite ends of the world.
Portals To Pylea
LA public library
Caritas
Paramount Studios
Fred On The Gobbleygook To Open A Portal
They're not words. They're consanant representations of a mathmatical transfiguration
formula. I used to think if you said them out loud and in the right order the quaking and quivering would...
It's a trionic speech craft formulation modification that has to alter the dynamics
realight here.
Champion Of The Realm
Groosalug The Brave And Undefeated
Groo's Story
An animal, beast to my people I was nothing more than this. Can you not see why?
You are truly benificent such compassion to ignore the flaws of my polluted birth. The strange curve of my mouth. The odd
bulging of my limbs. The heart beating in the wrong place. As I matured these defects became more apparent. The Covenant soon
determined there could be no mistake there was cow's blood in my veins.
For my people to be part cow is to be less than whole. There was nothing I could
do to prove my worth. I was incapable even of performing husbandly duties with any of the females of my tribe. Anatomically
equipped to mate only with a human. I was cast from my village and cut off from my life givers forced to make my way on my
own. I sought to end my suffering. I foolishly entered every contest of skill and daring that I could in an attempt to snuff
out my pathetic life even at this I failed. I won every match! I vanquished every flame beast. I defeated ever drakan. It
seemed nothing could stop me. The Covenant had no choice but to bestow upon me Groosalug the Brave and Undefeated.
The Princess Speaks And You Will Listen
Lay down your weapons Silas is dead. All priests have been defeated. Any guard who
harms a human from this day forth shall have to answer to me.
I have a vision actually I have two visions and in one of them you will get to keep
your head. Take a memo.
Proclamations
Free the slaves
Polyester is outlawed.
As it is now written all citizens are created equal. Slavery and religious persecution
are outlawed.
Gunn On Reconstruction
Saying people are free don't make them free. You got races that hate each other.
You got some folks getting work they don't want others losing the little they had. You're looking at social confusion, economic
depression, and probably some riots.
The Groosalug
A fierce warrior
With cow in his blood
Proves his worthy
By fighting endlessly
Never does he lose
He meets a girl
A Princess and a cow
Falls in love deeply
Gets left behind
To rule Pylea
Make it a better place
For those who are human
And so not cows
Numfar
Lives in the dimension Pylea
Oh how he loves to dance
Related to Lorne
The two are brothers in fact
Dancing up a storm
Doing the Dance of Joy
When all is swell
Doing the Dance of Sorrow
When things are gloomy
A Mother's Love
I thought you were lost to us forever. But you came back. You came back the runt
of my loins came back after raining such misery on our lives and managed to shame us even further. Who's supposed to do our
labors now that your cow friend has freed the slaves. You know what they call me at the Hall of Drink and Chance? Mother of
the vile excrement. Go on misfit back to your world where no one knows its place. May you rot in Tarkna.
The Deathwok Clan
Mother: Big woman with a full on beard
Father: Presumed dead
Sons: One was eaten, Numfar (clearly the favorite), Krevlorneswath
Cousin: Landok
Back Home
He needed to go back
Although he was reluctant
Needing some closure
Decides to take the plunge
Reunited with his family
His head got cut off
Body not mutilated
Kept on the lice pile
Goodbye to Mom
With her parting words
May you burn in Tarkna
Same old Mom
Mom
A big robust woman
With some major facial hair
Thinks they ate the wrong
son
Shamed by this runt
Beating her breast
And cursing her loins
Proud of her other son
Enjoying his constant dancing
Lorne's Thoughts
I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here. I don't belong
here. I hate it here. You know where I belong LA you know why? Nobody belongs there. It's the perfect place for guys like
us.
Blachna: They nest in the Scumpits of Earth. Groo has slain many.
Tracking it will be simple, killing it more difficult. Of course any warrior would present the beast's head as a token.
Chivra: Ritual of the Bereaved
Groo On Warriors
Pylean warriors are trained for such endurance. I once happened upon a herd of Burbeasts.
And, as you know an engorged Burbeast will couple with anything that moves. I was forced to stand perfectly still for eleven
days and nights.
Mockna: A soothing brew to relieve tension. The mud gives it body and flavor. When
there is no Plockweed in the dimension since it appears to only grow in Pylea use Creeping Fig and Sour Grass. Though it's
not true Mocka it's close to the real thing.
Schlug-tee: Tense neck muscles
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