Tru's Diary

The strangest thing happened today and part of me wonders if it was some weird dream but it really happened. I graduated and no one in my family showed up which was no big surprise there. I mean it would have been nice if Harrison at least showed up but as usual he was at a card game. My internship fell through due to lack of funding so I get stuck at the morgue which is kinda creepy but it pays and it's not like I'll be here forever and it'll look good to the med schools I apply to. So it was my first day or I should say night since I'm working the graveyard shift and I was all alone except for the dead people which creeped me out and I got my first delivery. All was quiet until I heard this noise and I found myself going towards the crypt and that's where the weirdness started. I opened the door and the dead girl insie asked for my help and the day began again and I was given this chance to save the girl Rebecca. I can't deny that it happened but I can't even begin to process this and it's not like I can tell anyone because they'd think I was crazy and I'm wondering that myself. I mean when I was ten and at my Mom's funeral I could have sworn she spoke to me but it never happened again until today. It's probably just some weird one shot deal and things will just go back to normal although I'll be working at the morgue.

It happened again so I'm not sure what to think because this is so strange it's not like I can go up to someone like say my boss Davis and ask him. I mean if I did he'd probably call the men in white coats to come and carry me away to some padded cell. It was bittersweet because I met a great guy the one who asked for my help named Nick but I wasn't able to save him but the little girl will live to see her seventh birthday. I just wish both of them could have made it but he was the typical firefighter running into a burning building with no thought of his own safety. I only knew him for a few short hours and it only went as far as a kiss but I know I could have seriously fallen for him. So I'm wondering if this is part of my life now and if my Mom had something to do with this but I have no clue. It's gonna be hard if this keeps happening because it gets confusing when I know what's gonna happen and it hasn't happened yet and I certainly can't share this with anyone so I guess I'm on my own regarding this. Well at least I found out what a creep mark is and I got my second chance to tell him off what a fool I was for ever dating him.

Now that was a day that I was so grateful to relive. Talk about a call that I don't want with my brother getting arrested for murder. So the two of us are in a slump in the dating scene at least Mark didn't try to get me to murder someone. I guess I'm sorta getting used to it well as used to something as bizarre as this is that a person can get. I don't know what I would have done without Harrison in my life. He thinks I'm crazy but I'm not exactly ruling out that theory but things ended well with no one ending up dead So as insane as this whole thing is it did save my brother and I still think he wouldn't have killed that guy well I don't need to worry about that because he didn't but Mer thought he would.

Ok there could be a few advantages to these do over days because that blind date was horrible. I would have had more fun getting a root canal. Could he have picked a more cheesey line and of course that was the extent of his genius since he used it on every girl around. So as of this moment I am never going on a blind date ever because it's always a disaster. Well I saved the girl and the second time around I wasn't able to take my test but a person's life was at stake and I can always take it next year. I just hope it's the one day 'cause I know I aced it the first time around. Well I can't change that so I'll just stay where I am and help some people along the way which isn't such a bad thing. I was just totally thrown when Davis came right out and told me that he knows about my little secret. I have no idea what to make of that.

Actually I'm kinda relieved that I have someone to talk to about my rewinds. He even helped me out on my latest like he's my sidekick or something. An added bonus was my second first date with Luc went more smoothly although I had to leave. I hope Jen and Amy make it since it'll be tough with their secret out now. High school is rough but kids can be so cruel if you're not so called normal. So it was actually two Juliets and they were planning to run away but they decided to stay and I wish them well because that takes courage. So Luc has some definete boyfriend potential so I'll keep my fingers crossed because of the weirdness in my life which leads to me having to leave at the drop of a hat.

Well I finally took a day off and it's totally deserved too especially with those eight day weeks so I decided to throw a housewarming party. Ok so I've been here for six months but I'm a busy girl. Just my luck it turns into one of those days. In an ironic twist of fate it was my ex who was in need of my help. I'm just relieved I wasn't the one who killed him 'cause for a while there it was looking like I did it since he was in my bedroom. I'm just glad things turned out the way they did and now maybe Mark will get the hint and stay out of my life. I was so happy when Luc showed up because I hated lying to him and getting into it with him over Mark but things are good between us and I don't think it's a stretch to say that I'm falling for the guy.

Seeing Luc when I got home helped so much because I was really down after this day. I felt like such a failure but maybe Davis was right although I would have loved for him to survive but at least Jake got to see Bridget one more time and meet his son. This is so confusing but at least he got what he most wanted in the world so in a way it was a good thing that the day got rewound although he wasn't saved which would have been even better. I feel great when I save someone but it's brutal to lose them even with the second chance I mean isn't that why I'm able to do this so I can save lives? I guess seeing Jake meet his son made me think of my Father so I called hiim and I'll see what happens as a result. I just know that I'm happy and I'm not going to allow him to drive me crazy anymore with who and what he thinks I should be. I'm me and that's who I'll remain so he'll have to accept it.

Well I'm glad that things turned out better this time around. It was pretty hairy there for a while there it wasn't fun to have a bullet with my name on it coming my way. I never thought that I or Davis would need saving too. I can't lose him because he's the one person that understands my situation and Harry well he's Harry. I mean I love him but he just doesn't get it although he now believes me but maybe in time he'll get what I'm doing here. I'm not his personal bodyguard or something because there's no guarantee that I'd get a do over no I don't even want to go there. No what if's I'll just live in the now and if I can help some people along the way so much the better. I'm actually sort of getting used to it I supposed.

I wasn't thrilled about going to my reunion so just my luck I get to do it twice. I tried but Candace just wants to be a bitch but I did save her life so that was a success and I'm glad that I was able to hand over the tiara to Judy. So the second time around went more smoothly and Harry didn't get into a fight this time around. It was kinda cool that I was voted Queen but I felt Judy needed her chance to shine. I'm not so sure about going to the next one because it was nervewracking and it sucked that my favorite teacher turned out to be the killer or rather almost killer. Actually I think I kind of feel sorry for Candace because she must be awfully lonely since it's impossible to break through the whole bitch barrier. Well I've got a great best friend in Lindsay so it's not like I'm lacking in the friend department. All in all I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished since high school.

I thought that day would never end four times and I thought I'd be stuck in a loop doomed to repeat it over and over and over. I just wish I could have saved both of them. It's one thing to have an extra day here and there but this was four times and Brian was driving me nuts with his stupid song. So Luc finally fixes the sink and that rancid sandwich ends up breaking the garbage disposal. I don't think I can deal with another one of these extra extra long days otherwise I might just go crazy. I'm probably the only person in the world that can do this and I have no idea why I mean why was I chosen to do this. I mean it's great when things work out and it's a happy ending but the ones I lose well I guess in a strange way this is good practice for when I become a doctor. As much as I'd loved to I can't save everyone so I'll just save as many as I can because it makes me feel godo knowing that I've given a person their life even if they don't know it.

Well that was the weekend from hell. All I wanted was two lousy days with my boyfriend and I end up saving a serial killer and losing Luc. Maybe Harry had a point about letting nature take its course. I mean up to this point the people have been worth the effort to save but with this guy the jury's kinda out still. Is this curse gonna follow me around like this with no way to shake it when I need a little down time? Actually I think I'd have preferred to save his victim instead since she was just some innocent girl at the wrong place at the wrong time. Well at least Harry's back on track with Lindsay so at least one of us still has a relationship. I have no idea how or if I can fix things with Luc. I really hate this thing sometimes because it really screws around with a relationship since I have to be vauge and liar girl with this great guy.

Ok so I don't get the appeal of beauty pageants. It would be nice to go somewhere and have everyone stay alive for a change. I'm just glad that I was able to save Jackie since she was like one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and I hope she's happy with her getting engaged and all so no one died this time around and it turns out that it was that bitchy girl that was the target sicne she was blackmailing to get herself the crown which is so lame. I was so tempted to get back together with Luc as much as I would have loved to he doesn't deserve to have someone that has to leave suddenly. I mean I'm still getting used to this myself so it wouldn't be fair to be keeping secrets. It would be so easy but I can't. I don't know how any relationship can survive this.

Another one of those days and it was a doozie. My Father pretty much confirmed that Mom had the same secret that I do. It's funny how it took Jordan dying and needing my help to make me realize that she's actually a sweet person. Talk about a roller coaster especially coming face to face with Mom's killer like that. Right now I'm not too hopeful about having a lasting relatinship since this calling appears to have gotten into the way of their marriage. I don't even know if I should date because it wouldn't be fair to the other person that's why I let Luc get away because he deserves better and I can't be that for him. Why did my life have to get so very complicated? I'm supposed to be young and carefree and instead I'm leading a double life that I can't exactly share with people since I'm still getting used to it and anyone else would think I'm totally insane.

Dear Diary It was one of those days where I think it would have been better if I had stayed in bed. That reporter is so annoying she's like a dog with a bone. Things are tough enough without her nosing around and well stalking me isn't a lie. I mean I save her life and does she even thank me no of course not and then when I'm totally straight with her it just seems to make her more determined. I have no idea what to do about her and if she keeps following me around like a puppy but without the cute part I don't know how I'll help people if she's on me all the time. As if things weren't hard enough before this certainly isn't helping any. Maybe she'll leave me alone after it sinks in at just how close she was to death which would be nice but I'm not holding my breath. I don't know what to make of Jack since he's all over the place but who knows maybe Davis was right about him just needing some time to settle into the swing of things.

Well that didn't turn out so well Harrison was so proud that he was able to help me out and the girl ends up killing herself. Hard as that is maybe he'll have a better appreciation for what I go through since it's never easy when I lose someone. So now I know why Davis knows so much with him losing his wife and still a newlywed. I just don't understand why my Mom never told us about what she could do since it was possible for her to pass it on to one of us and I'm proof of that. I wonder why it was me anyway. It would have been nice to know ahead of time instead of it just happening out of the blue like it did. I don't know maybe it would have been easier to deal with if I knew that it might happen I just don't know. Well at least I'm not alone in this because I think I'd lose my mind if I couldn't talk to anyone about this. I really need to get a car since this can really be time consuming running around and being a Nancy Drew.

I think I have a little better understanding on why Mom kept this secret. A Mother will do anything she can to protect her kids. Not that I would have done what Carly did I can't kinda understand it thought. I mean she could have just come clean instead of living eight years in fear not able to even acknowledge her own daughter but the tabs and oh how I know what a pain in the ass a reporter can be I can't escape my secret because it's a part of me and I guess I don't want to even though it can drive me nuts. For every person that I save makes the price I have to pay worth it. I just hope that I can have some sort of normal life amidst the strangeness because I don't want to be alone. I guess having a few people that I'm tight with isn't such a bad thing sicne it shouldn't be about quantity but quality. I still don't know what to make of Jack. It was strange to see him in like exactly the spot where Carly's body was found the first time. I'm not so sure I like him hanging out with Harrison.

It would have been nice to have Luc as a neighbor. Well Davis was totally right about things not always being as they appear. I'm gonna have to be careful with credit cards and stuff. Modern technology gotta love it and hate it at the same time because it makes it so much easier with those camera phones. Well not that I'm surprised about the breakup I kinda wished things could have worked for Lindsay and Harrison. He's a great guy and I love him and all but he isn't exactly great boyfriend material for my best friend. Maybe one of these days he'll get his act together and find someone. I'm just glad that I got the police to Cathy in time to catch her in the act. That must be hell to have your life turned upside down by someone who steals your identity. I'd be pretty pissed myself if I was in Chris's place. I hope that I never am because my life is crazy enough. Whoa so Jack thinks he can relive days too actually that could be a good thing because he'd be the one person who could really understand what I do through. I mean D and Harry are great and all and I'm lucky to have them to talk to but it'd be different with someone that remembers the day the first time around. I can totally get why he'd think he was crazy 'cause I've been there myself.

Man I'm so stupid. I can't believe I was so quick to trust Jack. It's just that it was so great to have someone that totally gets what it's like when the day rewinds and you have deja vu conversations all day and you have to act as though it was the first time hearing everyting. It turns out that he seems to do the exact opposite of me wanting the person to die. Now I'm thinking that when I was trying to get into Jack's appartment building that he was trying to keep me out. I mean this poor woman thought she was dying so she decided to kill herself and there was nothing wrong with her so I couldn't just do nothing when it would have been such a waste. I've made up my mind that I'm gonna try and see if I can make things work with Luc. I mean you never know how much time you have and seeing Grace mourn her lost opportunity made me realize that I can't just wait and hope that maybe someday because it might never come. It's just so sad that Frank felt the same way and just couldn't come out and say it since they missed their chance. Well I'm going to see what happens and who knows maybe he'll be able to deal with what I can do and I do remember Luc and how he appreciates honesty so I'll come clean with the whole thing and just see what happens.

I can't believe that Luc's really gone. I keep hoping that he'll call out to me so I can get the chance to save him but I know that won't happen. This is all Jack's fault because he was so determined that I would lose someone that I love. So now I'm left alone when a great guy who I love very much is buried in the ground at least I can take a small bit of comfort in his last words to me but that doesn't really take the pain away. I hope I never see Jack again because I might kill him for doing this to me. And he thinks he isn't death well if he's not then he does a damn good impression of death.